Hullo and greetings, fellow Earthlings! It’s the Mercury’s resident astronomist here, to let you know that TOMORROW, Saturday, May 10th is National Astronomy Day!

According to my fellow astronomists over at Astronomy.com, National Astronomy Day “gives astronomy-lovers a chance to share their passion with the astronomy-curious.” So, allow me (i.e. astronomy-lover) share my passion with you!

For example, did you know that there are over a million stars in the universe! A million! In fact, there are so many, not even I--the most learned of astronomists--know exactly how many! The universe is so infinite that no one has ever seen the end of it.

(Can you imagine that? Something so big that no one knows its precise dimensions? I know, it sounds like complete hogwash, but I assure you it is true!)

Also, did you know that no one knows for certain if there is life on other planets? Yes, there have been numerous reports of alien abductions, but these have been dismissed by the scientific community as "unsubstantiated."

Let me give you an example. In 1998 I was standing in a large open field outside Aloha, OR. A brightly-lit ship descended, looking like that light-up Simon memory game. A group of "visitors" (incidentally, all of whom looked like Mr. Clean but had mohawks and pig noses) took me aboard and repeatedly performed "experiments" and "probes." One of the mohawk'ed Mr. Cleans (whose name was Raoul) even asked me if I would be his intergalactic bride! Of course I accepted, but the other ones caught wind of our fleeting romance and deposited me back to Earth.

Now, imagine my excitement when I dashed to tell the scientists about my remarkable discovery! Finally, proof that we are not alone in the universe! But they laughed, referring to my experience as "crazy talk," and "ramblings of a fruit loop," and "a pathetic cry for help."

So, not even a first-hand experience from a learned, experienced astronomist such as myself--and not even the fact that my beloved Raoul came to visit me numerous times since our initial encounter--can be considered definitive proof of life on other planets. Ah, the mystery of space!

Meanwhile, if you're astronomy-curious, and would like to hear more interstellar adventures from astronomists such as myself, that's what Astronomy Day is for! Find your local lover of astronomy and have him or her sit right down and tell you all about it! They may even let you look through their telescope. I personally shall be sharing stories, giving out Crab Nebulae (just kidding! they're only cookies made to look like Crab Nebulae, haha!), and letting people peer through my tube behind the Greyhound Bus Station from 1am-4am. Happy Astronomy Day, everybody!