Oh snap! It’s a food, sex, fashion trifecta!

The other day, I sent my up-coming Last Supper column to our esteemed editor, Wm. Steven Humphrey. Upon receiving it, he immediately sent me a message: “Change the lead. It’s too porny.”

I re-read what I had written. It was a description of my wife, Kitty, enjoying an excellent curry. It included the phrase, “moans with pleasure.” It seems our fearless leader is a little squeamish when it comes to sex and food. He claims that it’s hard to strike the eroticism/food balance, and when it’s not done right, “it’s just gross.” Okay, sure… So, I did tone down my lead, but I still believe that sex and food go hand in hand. Or, in the case of food bras, breast in cup! Check out the bacon bra!

fo-sizzle my-nizzle!

How can you tell me that this is gross? I mean, besides the fact that the bacon is raw. Just think of the possibilities! It’s not only sexy and alluring, it’s incredibly useful! Woke up hungry for brunch after a late night at the club, but you spent all your dough the night be’fo? Just strip off some bacon and your on your way!

The more research I conducted on food bras (read: lazy Google image search), the more amazed I was by the ingenious combinations of breasts and cuisine. And, strangely, the less erotic the whole thing seemed. Crap! Maybe Steve was right… It turns out that I became more concerned about the functionality of these undergarments than anything else. Maybe you’ll have a different experience.

More photos after the jump!

I, of course, believe that this food/breast trend began with the Hawaiians. Regard, the classic and timeless coconut bra.

I gotta lovely pair of coconuts!

I guess when you get right down to it; there are certain foods that might work better for this kind of thing. Based on the spoilage factor and roominess and aesthetic quality, here are some of my other favorites.

Doin' the pumpkin patch!

I'll have the teriyaki bowl, please!

Life is just a bra of cherries!

Salad days? How 'bout salad nights!

Candy bra Wednesdays!

So, hooray for food and breasts… oh, and supportive undergarments that can be eaten in survival situations