• Barack Obama is coming back to Oregon on May 9th and 10th! Details to follow! Until then, wash your car! Do your nails! Damn it, where are my extensions?

• Speaking of “whoop!”, Barack Obama celebrated a double-digit win last night in North Carolina and made a stronger than expected showing against Hillary in Indiana. Hillary celebrated her marginal victory by loaning her campaign $6.4 million. Whoopee?

• Dear Philadelphia police officers: There are these things called video cameras, and they can capture real-time moving pictures of all the naughty things that you do. Can someone please explain this concept to them?

• Britney Spears has her child visitation rights expanded thanks to good behavior. All together now… BOOOOO!!!

• The Michigan Supreme Court has ruled that state agencies and universities cannot offer health insurance to the partners of gay employees. No, really this time… BOOOOO!!!

• Finally, a “YAAAY!” Stinky dreadlocked hippie Jason Castro really blew it on American Idol last night after forgetting the lyrics to “Mr. Tambourine Man.” Afterwards, Simon said, “Pack your bags, Jason.” Which is exactly what he did—with a big wad of pot which he immediately smoked. It all feels better now, doesn’t it, Jason?

And cut your hair, while you’re at it.