• Former candidate John Edwards endorses Barack Obama, and it’s already paying off… in fat… juicy… delegates (he said while rubbing his hands and licking his lips).

• And as the election reaches its climax, the nation’s eyes turn to US!

• Meanwhile, John McCain promises to win the war in Iraq, pull out the troops, kill bin Laden and break every one of these promises… all in one term!

• Here’s your morning “throw-up” story: The embryonic twin of a 9-year-old girl is found… in the girl’s stomach! RETCH!!

• Syesha Mercado is voted off American Idol leaving genuinely nice rocker David Cook and pussy Mormon David Archuleta to battle it out. Guess who I’m rooting for?

• And finally, our own Tonya Harding appeared on the Today Show this morning, publicizing her new book, The Tonya Tapes. And guess what? SHE THINKS WE’VE GOT HER ALL WRONG. Here’s the interview!