Slightly late this morning…because it’s election day in Portland, and nothing’s going to happen until this evening. [Saying that is the news equivalent of driving down the freeway and remarking on how few accidents there seem to have been over the last 300 miles…]

1.DECLARE IF YOU DARE!!! Clinton says Obama may be getting ahead of the game in declaring himself the democratic nominee. That’s TOMORROW, idiot.

2.COWMAN!!! British MPs support the development of half-human, half-animal embryos for “research purposes.” Can you imagine that happening in this country, in a million years?

3.MICRO-SOFT-BOILED!!! Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer gets pelted with eggs at a Hungarian University. It’s an odd clip, to say the least:

4.RUDE JUDE!!! Alfie is caught snogging Rod Stewart’s “MAN-EATER DAUGHTER,” Kimberley.

5.BOY, GEORGE!!! He’s become a market trader, flogging $20 t-shirts. That’s bad karma, chameleon.

Good day.