• New York Gov. David Paterson has ordered state agencies to recognize out-of-state same sex marriages. Meanwhile New York Christian conservatives neither recognize gay marriage, or the fact that they’re assholes.

• Former press secretary Scott McClellan has defended his Bush bashing book, claiming that “he didn’t speak up against the overselling of war in Iraq at the time because he, like other Americans, gave the president the benefit of the doubt.” And by “other Americans” he means the Democrats and inbred hillbillies.

• Thanks to Oregon superdelegate Gail Rasmussen of Canby, presumptive nominee Barack Obama now has 38 delegate votes in our state, as opposed to Hillary’s 23. There are three unpledged delegates left, so MAKE UP YOUR MINDS ALREADY.

• Poor Hillary Clinton continues to hint that she will carry her useless fight to win the Democratic nomination all the way to the party’s convention in late August. Thankfully, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is prepared to step in and tell Hillary to suck it.

• After 11 years the wife of Bill Murray is filing for divorce, accusing the actor of often getting drunk, smoking dope, being physically abusive, and “traveling overseas where he engages in public and private altercations and sexual liaisons.” Wait a second… she knows that Lost in Translation is just a movie, right?

• Question: In her Dunkin’ Donuts ad, why is Rachael Ray standing in front of the Oregon capitol building wearing a terrorist’s scarf? Answer: Either she’s sending a secret message to al-Qaida to blow up our state capitol, or she’s disguising the fact she has no neck. (I think it’s the latter.)