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Monday, June 9, 2008
Food Fowl Play at McDonalds
Posted by on Mon, Jun 9 at 3:35 PM
Outlaw!
CNN reports that the renegade chicken who had been terrorizing motorists at a McDonald’s in Temecula, California, was finally captured last week.
Seems the bird had been hanging around harassing customers. This, from the “news” article:
Since the chicken arrived, customers often found themselves waiting to order their McNuggets while the bird blocked the drive-through lane.
That’s right, how’d you like a little feathered direct action with your death burger, and holocaust nuggets, you fascist?
Unfortunately our hero hen was captured through a cunning plan that included feeding it hamburger buns while someone sneaked up from behind and nabbed it. But take heart:
The bird won’t end up on the menu. It has been sent to live as a pet with other chickens at the home of a restaurant worker.
Ya’ know why it won’t end up on the menu? Because McDonald’s chicken is not made from actual fucking chickens! It’s made from sawdust, cornmeal and parts from a pathetic genetically altered freak of nature which, although it has wings, should not in any way be classified as an actual chicken.
I believe this is only the first step in the chicken uprising. Soon every KFC drive through in the country will be blockaded with angry poultry. Try to get your 12 piece bucket when you’re staring at a dozen beady reproachful eyes. Oh, it’s on, my friends. It’s on.
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"...and parts from a pathetic genetically altered freak of nature which, although it has wings, should not in any way be classified as an actual chicken."
Just because they slice their beaks off, pump 'em up with antibiotics and cram them in tiny cages in which they can't stand up and are shit on by all the other chickens in tiny cages above them, doesn't mean they aren't "actual" chickens Patrick. They probably still feel horrible pain when they are slaughtered. Or perhaps it's just sweet release from a lifetime of torture. Either way, they're still technically "chickens"