• War crime trials may be delayed after the Supreme Court rules that suspected terrorists have rights, too. (And feelings.)

• The beginning of the end of the R. Kelly trial begins today, and sadly, Kelly himself won’t be making the 20 minute long rhyming closing argument.

• Marijuana potency is at its highest in 30 years, according to a new White House study entitled, “That’s (KAFF!) Some Good Shit. (KAFF! KAFF!)”

• A right-wing judge stops an obscenity trial after admitting his personal website also contains fetishy porn. Such as what? Such as this: “Among the images on the site were a photo of naked women on all fours painted to look like cows and a video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal.” CONSERVATIVES ARE EFFING WEIRD.

• And finally, FOX News does it again! (And by “again” I mean, “shows their immense racial ignorance by referring to Michelle Obama as “Obama’s Baby Mama.”) The video is here. Ugh.