1.REALITY CONTROL!!! WASHINGTON — Justice Department officials over the last six years illegally used “political or ideological” factors to hire new lawyers into an elite recruitment program, tapping law school graduates with conservative credentials over those with liberal-sounding resumes, a new report finds. Like Hitler always said, “Start ‘em young!”

2.SOUTH AFRICA!!! Says Zimbabwe can take care of Mugabe itself, in the face of UN Pressure to intervene in the country’s unfair election process.

3.SALAAM-A-SHOO-KAM!!! Muslim groups say Obama is shunning appearances with them because he has a “very tightly wrapped message.” That, er, appears to give weight to those who think it’s possible to associate him with terrorism because of his middle name. Still—it worked with Iraq. Perhaps he’s not so stupid…

4.FLYING HIGH!!! Pot activists ask the Federal Government to allow marijuana use in airport lounges to help fliers deal with the stress of air travel. No word yet on whether crack activists plan a similar move.

5.ODD!!! A man auctioning his life on eBay says ‘idiots’ made false bids.

Good day.