Blogtown, PDX

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Food Matlock’s! Your Mustard & Mace Establishment!

Posted by The Unpaid Intern on Thu, Jun 19 at 3:33 PM

I went to the courthouse for the first time today and stood in line for the metal detector as everyone around me emptied their pockets of prohibited items. I looked up some case files and headed out into the sunshine again when I saw this entrepreneurial establishment:

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Yep, Matlock’s owner Bill Roadman will hold your mace, scissors or giant knife for up to 60 days as you do your courtly duties. “People will forget their stuff, so I wind up with a big bag of mace!” he laughed, flipping out a $100 switchblade he keeps on his belt loop after its owner never returned.

“It depends on what cop is on duty, but usually they’ll say to people in line, ‘The hot dog man’ll hold it for you!’” He doesn’t take guns or hash pipes, he says, because “the cops came snooping around” for the politely held drugs back when he started the impromptu business a year ago. It doesn’t make him a lot of money — at $1 an item, he only brings in $5-$10 a day — but it keeps things interesting. The biggest item he’s ever held was a sword. “It was an ornamental sword,” he explained, as if it the need for an an ornamental sword in the court house was more understandable than your classic broadsword.

The hot dogs smelled so good I almost caved and bought one. “But I haven’t eaten beef or pork for years,” I lamented to Bill. “Me neither,” said Bill, “Funny thing is I’ve been a vegetarian for 30 years!” That means he’s never tried one of his hot dogs despite running the stand for three years, ever since he saw it for sale online and thought it would be a good business venture. “People will ask me which hot dog’s the best and I just say, ‘All of them!’” he laughs. And why no veggie dogs at the stand? “This court house crowd, they’re meat eaters!”

posted by Sarah Mirk

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Comments

I don't want to be too judgmental here, but it seems to me like enabling other people to eat meat while at the same time practicing vegetarianism will involve a load of cognitive dissonance on the host's part.

But I mean, I'm all for free leftover knives...

Posted by rom | June 19, 2008 4:23 PM

Is that as in: "I don't want to be too judgmental here, but I'm about to be...?"

Posted by Matt Davis | June 19, 2008 4:30 PM

Dude, using the word 'but' in any statement automatically renders that which follows to be in direct contradiction to what preceded it.

"I really like your dog but she smells like olives"

Anyway, that was a cute piece. Thanks, Sarah!

Posted by Michelle | June 19, 2008 5:09 PM

Why do you assume he is vegetarian because of some moral or political or social whatever reason? Can't someone be veggie just because they prefer it over eating meat? sheesh.. damn hippies...

Posted by big assumption don't you say? | June 19, 2008 6:07 PM

Hell, it just lays the groundwork for someone dumb enough to tell a reporter that they sport a weapon on their belt that has been illegal in Oregon for as long as I've been alive...And works right in front of the courthouse. Hey you and your paradoxical view of hot dogs! You...Uh, You!

Posted by richbachelor | June 19, 2008 6:55 PM

Matt - sort of, yes. Please forgive my attempt to apply some logic to the situation.

Michelle - your example hardly illustrates a direct contradiction. You can both like a dog and believe that it smells like olives. The but is a qualifier, not a negater. I'm obviously being a little judgmental, because the situation seems weird to me! I wish I knew the facts. Maybe I'll go talk to the guy.

badys - no, I don't say. I say small assumption. Most people who are vegetarian are so because of moral/political/social reasons. But if he simply doesn't like the taste of meat or whatever, and then for that reason chooses to absolutely abstain from a taste for 30 years (so that, in part, he can retain the label of identification), then that's sensational. Still - small assumption!

Posted by rom | June 19, 2008 7:09 PM

The switchblade knife by itself is not illegal, it is unlawful to carry one concealed upon the person. Knives of any kind are not allowed inside the courthouse.

Posted by bridgetown barrister | June 19, 2008 10:03 PM

The guy is nice. I used to buy hotdogs from him when I'd really want to eat one. It only happened once in a while but he was a great deal. Way better than wiked weenie which would charge you like $5.00 for a dog and then extra for the extras. Let the man keep your knives...he plays a mean guitar too.

Posted by Garrett | June 19, 2008 11:42 PM

I went in to drop off my jury duty form a few weeks back and forgot I had my pocket knife on me. I didn't try a dog but I did tip the guy. Thanks hot dog man!

Posted by tk. | June 20, 2008 8:12 AM

What a cool dude. I wonder if serves Chicago Dogs...

Posted by one voice | June 20, 2008 1:00 PM

Thanks for a worthy and interesting story, Unpaid Intern. You should get a tip jar.

Posted by Elliot | June 23, 2008 9:34 AM