So my wildest dreams came true last night on ABC. The debut of I Survived a Japanese Game Show marked the culmination of two long years of high school revenge fantasies, when the girl who stole my number-one bigtime crush in sophomore year made her appearance. She landed on her face, not once, but twice on a speeding conveyor belt in front of a crowd of jeering Japanese.

Sweet, sweet vengeance. You are mine.

Not only was she kicked off during the very first episode, but she also cried! Oh, and then there was when she had to get dressed up in a bee outfit and throw herself against a wall. But an unfortunate result of watching my dream get realized on national TV was that at one point I started feeling sorry for her—for her… my archenemy. Ugh, if I can’t hold a grudge after this I’m going to be really, really mad.

There’s really no other reason to watch it, but I Survived a Japanese Game Show is on every Tuesday at 9 pm on ABC.

Thanks barflies at the Tanker for joining in on all my shit-talking!