This Week in the Mercury

Sold Out


Sold Out

811 E Burnside

Film Shorts


Film Shorts

In Which We Hit It and Quit It

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Jun 5, 2008 at 8:50 AM

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has said he welcomes the death penalty for masterminding the 9/11 attacks. "Besides," he added, "if I see that horrible picture of me in the white t-shirt one more time, I shall perhaps kill myself."


• Oh, and he sings, too? This guy does it all!

• In an email to supporters, Hillary Clinton wrote that she "will be speaking on Saturday about how together we can rally the party behind Senator Obama." Say the words, Hillary. YOU… ARE… QUITTING.

• The California Supreme Court decreed today that gay marriages can start by the end of the month, and that bigots can cram it up their stinky conservative Christian butts.

• A Senate report reveals that President Bush knowingly used faulty intel, and invaded Iraq anyway. SURPRISE!!!

• The weather is not looking too great for this Saturday's Rose Parade—but we're camping out anyway because WE'RE EFFING CRAZY! WHOOOOOOOO!!!

• And finally, Jackie Chan owns a Segway dealership, bitches!



Showing 1-1 of 1

Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy