This Week in the Mercury

BBQ Chic

Food and Drink

BBQ Chic

Smokehouse Tavern: High Fashion Goes Down Home


Blazin'

Music

Blazin'

Chastity Belt Gets "Ma-Toor"



Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jul 9, 2008 at 9:06 AM

Iran test fired nine long and medium range missiles today in an effort to prove they can retaliate against any U.S. or Israeli attack. (Unfortunately, nine missiles were all they had.)

Oh, and by the way, IRAN... if you blow us up, where are you going to purchase your BULL SEMEN? Hawww! Hawww! HAWWW!

The Senate will be passing a bill today that FINALLY kicks the shit out of President Bush's illegal wiretapping scheme. And I know this because I've been listening in on their phone conversations. UPDATE! The Senate are a bunch of ass-eating pussies.

Bush also claims that "significant progress" has been made toward climate change. (Who wants to tell him that recycling Dick Cheney's spent shotgun shells doesn't really count as "significant change"?)

Stay tuned to Blogtown for Amy Ruiz' coverage of city council's vote on the bullshit Columbia River Crossing plan. Will they grow a backbone? Or will the ODOT mafia follow up on their threats to break a orphan's pinky unless they sign?

Are you SICK of this stupid "reality"? ME, TOO! Now, thanks to Google, I can create my own new virtual reality where I can also avoid talking to people and complain about how stupid my reality is.

Ahhh... finally, my lifelong dream to look like a Bratz doll has been realized!

Comments (2)

Showing 1-2 of 2

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-2 of 2

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy