President Bush invokes executive privilege in a truly transparent attempt to save his own corrupt ass.

Gay couples from other states are one step closer to being allowed to get married in Massachusetts. So I guess that means that gay couples are 1,345,986 steps away from getting married in Georgia.

Meanwhile, gay and lesbian parents are taking John McCain to task for opposing gay adoption. (That is, gays adopting children, rather than straight parents adopting gays. But there's nothing wrong with that either!)

Barack Obama claims the satirical New Yorker cover didn't bother him personally, but it is an insult to Muslim Americans -- and has he mentioned in the last thirty seconds that he ISN'T a Muslim? Well... HE'S NOT!

"Many patients who take the Parkinson's drug Mirapex say they were not fully aware of its rare but strange side effects -- which include a desire to gamble, an urge for sex and compulsive masturbation." OMIGOD! I HAVE PARKINSON'S?!?

The Oregonian battles against every fiber of its being to announce that "no, there is not a war between cars and bikes!"

And finally, in response to all those requests for a Mercury "Page 3" girl, here ya go fellas! Whoooo! LOOKIN' GOOD, HELEN MIRREN! Whooooo! (As you know, 63 is the new 34.)