I was in Seattle this weekend wandering my old stomping grounds in Capitol HIll, when I stumbled across this very not sexy bike.

See, it is almost deceptively sexy. The color of the fenders and the frame complement each other nicely and it looks like it would be easy to ride in skirt (an often overlooked virtue). But much like a dude Cher from Clueless would call a Monet, from far a way it's okay, but when you take a closer look it's a big old mess. Let's take a closer gander!

It looks like someone got really frustrated with having the least sexy bike ever and decided to toss it in a bush in front of my friend's building. Very neighborly indeed.

One obvious problem is this:

Some person, I'm guessing a stoner, thought it be kind of fun to replace the handlebars with a plastic fork. Maybe the idea was that the fork could be used to pierce a roasted wiener, a cob of corn, a small block of cheddar, or some other snack. I don't know if this new feature is worth sacrificing being able to steer.

Also, there is this problem:

The chain is broken and tangled up in the bush which is currently trying to swallow up the bike! So even if you wanted to bike over to Safeway to get more snacks for your bike fork, you couldn't! What a shame! What a waste! This reminded me of this ridiculous shirtless guy who was riding near me at the Pedalpalooza kick off parade. He was riding this 1940s rusted Schwinn that must have weighed, like 1000 pounds. I told him that it looked like he fished it out of a river. He beamed and thanked me for my "compliment." Then his chain literally deteriorated. I guess it just goes to show you that one person's fucked up mess is another person's treasure.