Mz. Ruiz,

Let me put it another way.

1. To be effective either in journalism or in parody, one must be cynical to the point of paranoia.

2. To be effective either in journalism or in parody, one must understand there are only two reasons a person does anything: He or she wants something, usually money, or, is afraid of losing something, usually money, or a combination of both. Maslov's theories on motivation were intended to sell books and make his reputation, hence his grandiose theory that merely obfuscates the obvious.

3. All politics, all bureaucratic posturing, all corporate public relations are based on smoke and mirrors designed to misdirect the audience's attention in the same way a magician misdirects attention away from the trick. It is all smoke and mirrors designed to draw the eye away from that they wish to hide.

Any journalist or parodist of merit knows this, so immediately looks beyond the distraction to what the magician is trying to hide. By parroting back press release you are helping hide what is going on in the background, to hide that which you, especially, are paid to expose.

Why does a state agency need a blog? How does a blog help the agency do its job? Aren't there better uses for this money and staff time elsewhere? Who stands to gain from this action? What, to be blunt, is in it for them? Remember, people only do things for one of two reasons -- they want something, usually money, or they are afraid of losing something, usually money, or some combination of the two.

Now, rumor has it that the Mercury is a humor rag and not a newspaper of record such as the Oregonian, Willamette Week or the (shudder) Portland Tribune.

From experience, the staff of a humor rag will take the self-serving public pronouncements of a bureaucrat such as "isn't it cool, we've set up a blog" and "hang the bastard on his own petard."

My first reaction upon reading your piece was to ask, why the hell is some two-bit petty bureaucrat spending my tax money on something so asinine, and why the hell aren't you, the parodist, running his furry ass up the mainmast where it belongs?

This, I am afraid, is the main flaw of the Mercury. It neither fish, nor fowl. In a way, it is only foul.

Other than one smart-ass columnist, one decent cartoonist and a sex-addict in print, there is nothing to the Mercury more than pablum for padding and advertising. I have read this paper from week one, and find little to recommend it.

There is a great tradition of publications for the Mercury to emulate. The Harvard Lampoon and its spinoff, The National Lampoon, though sadly now defunct. The Onion. The first newspaper in Oregon, circa 1843, was a satirical publication named the Flumgugeon Gazette, and it poked and prodded the early power brokers, making fun of them all. The Gazette predates the Oregonian by a good decade.

To start with, your staff needs to decide where it stands. If straight journalism is your goal, then pursue it, by all means, and stop publishing press releases without vetting them. Find out what the bastards are up to and go after them.

If parody and humor is your goal, then for God's sake, pursue this worthwhile goal as if you are care about it and not for them. Are you afraid of them? Do they have something on you you're afraid they'll disclose? Are they holding your children hostage? No? Then prick their God-damned bubbles and show them for the flawed human beings they are. And it pisses them off then maybe they won't make the same dumb-assed move again. That is the purpose of satire and parody, after all.

But you cannot do both, for by trying to do so, you do neither.

As far as Mr. Lang and his blog are concerned, I'd like to know why the OLCC needs such a thing. For the life of me, I see no practical purpose for such a waste of resources. And if they're not hiding something, then they are simply stupid, and, this, too, needs be exposed.

To be good at humor, you must be a cynic and with a mean need for exposing people's pretensions. You can't be nice and funny, they are contradictions in terms.

To be good at journalism, as a professor at Columbia J School once said, you must have a fire in your belly and a massive distrust of what you are told and an unquenchable thirst for the simple truth no matter who it hurts. Or, destroys.

If all you do is reprint press releases, you must ask yourself if you have the fire either to be a journalist or a parodist.

Please excuse my excessive zeal and passion. These are matters my author cares deeply about.

I remain your humble servant,

Jacomus