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I, Anonymous


I, Anonymous

One Who Got Away

Monday, July 28, 2008

Prepare for the Rapture

Posted on Mon, Jul 28, 2008 at 1:46 PM

A sign of the apocalypse occurred this weekend: My mom joined Facebook. So, I thought I'd help you loyal readers of Blogtown with your preparations for the upcoming Rapture.


If you create an account at, an automated something-or-other will send messages to your family and friends telling them where you've gone after the Rapture happens. Depending of if you are nice or not, you could write "Hey, you should accept Christ and come to heaven and stuff" or "Ha! Told you this would happen. Now enjoy your seven years of tribulation, mofo."

You can also send out documents detailing how you want your assets taken care of after you've gone to paradise. According to the folks at You'veBeenLeftBehind:

In the encrypted portion of your account, you can give [your loved ones] access to your baking, brokerage, hidden valuables, and powers of attorney (you won't be needing them anymore, and the gift will drive home the message of love). There won't be any bodies, so a probate court will take seven years to clear your assets. Seven years, of course, is all the time that will be left. So basically the Government of the Antichrist gets your stuff, unless you make it available in another way.

All that for only forty bucks, y'all. Seems like a good deal to me.

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