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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

News Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jul 30, 2008 at 9:27 AM

Bush to American public: "The reason you have high gas prices is because Congress won't let me destroy the environment! BLAME THEM!"

The House Judiciary Committee has voted to hold Karl Rove in contempt for ignoring a subpoena. Funny... I've held him in contempt for years. Ba-dum-DUM! Chssst!

Southern California is shaken by a 5.4 magnitude earthquake, but it wasn't "the big one" according to scientists. (Because Southern California is still there.)

The L.A. city council is putting a moratorium on new fast food restaurants because of rising obesity rates among children in certain neighborhoods. Thank god Pizza Hut can deliver the Pizone!

A Eugene lawmaker is proposing a mandatory bike helmet law. And guys will also have to wear those tight "shants" ( a cross between shorts and pants).

What does Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Barack Obama have in common? John McCain's newest ad sez that NONE OF THEM should be president!

 

Commenting was not available when this article was originally published.

Comments (3) RSS

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1
Is that political ad for or against Obama? I can't tell.
Posted by Graham on July 30, 2008 at 10:52 AM · Report
2
Seriously,

"he's the biggest celebrity in the world" here's two examples of his decision making: "Opposing offshore drilling" (that wont fix our oil situation ever, or even help ease the pain at the pump in a minor way for about 10 years), and "collecting revenue from electricity usage", (which is going to increase as petroleum usage (and tax revenue) decreases, and can be dumped into more renewable research...)

"I'm John McCain, and I approve this message."

It kind of sounds like McCain got swept up in Obamania for a second there.
Posted by jeff on July 30, 2008 at 12:47 PM · Report
3
In order posted:

Geo. W. is an idiot, no make that a dolt. No, idiot sums him up nicely.

Mr. Rove deserves it.

So does So. Cal.

This has to be excellent news for existing fast food restauranteurs -- no new competition. However, the ban won't help their wastelines as much as "the big one."

Good Lord, not shants. Anything but that.

Very vague logic on this last one. Is McCain's advertising guru secretly working for Obama? You'd think so, wouldn't you.

Next!
Posted by Int'l. Assoc. of Satirists on July 30, 2008 at 4:00 PM · Report

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