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Thursday, September 18, 2008

Stargate Fans Hate Life, Themselves.

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Thu, Sep 18, 2008 at 12:26 PM


So the worst TV show ever in the history of TV was Stargate SG-1. And then Stargate Atlantis happened, and made SG-1 look like the goddamn The Wire. And then everyone was all like "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, HOW COULD IT GET ANY WORSE?"

Well, get ready for your next bonershrinker, nerds. GateWorld got a breakdown of the casting sheets for the upcoming Stargate TV show, Stargate Universe, which, yes, actually exists, I guess. A couple of highlights from the new slate of characters:

Eli Hitchcock
20-25. Total slacker. Utter genius. Mathematics, computers, anything he puts his mind to. Acerbic sense of humor. A social outcast. Comes from a broken home. Lacks confidence because his true intelligence has never really been recognized like Matt Damon's character from Good Will Hunting with a little Jack Black thrown in.

Ron "Psycho" Stasiak
20, all ethnicities. Marine. Big, strong, silent. You want him on your side. You don't want him mad at you. Lacks control over his temper in non combat situations. His past is a mystery but it's clear something dark formed the hard shell around him. Yet, there must also be some moral center because otherwise he'd kill everyone around him. Think Eric Bana's character "Hoot" in Blackhawk Down.

Chloe Carpenter
20ish. Stunning and sexy. Daughter of a U.S. Senator. Silver spoon upbringing and a little spoiled but not stupid either. Politically and socially savvy. Dreams of following in her father's footsteps but for now she's a bit of a party girl in her first year at an Ivy League school. Her father's tragic death and the dire circumstances of being trapped on a spaceship seriously tests her character.

Discriminating Stargate fans are already reacting to the news with delight on GateWorld!

After Atlantis is over, and except for SG and Trek repeats, I NOW HAVE NO REASON TO WATCH SCI-FI.

can i vomit my breakfast, they cancelled the best show in the world for that, incredible, babies stargate OMG ! 20 years ? really ? is it credible (babies soldat in space) i prefer my 40 years David and Joe, not old and hot ! SGU it's a shame.

I think two of the SGU characters should be Lieutenant Jennifer Hailey (SG-1 epsiodes #419 "Prodigy" and #513 "Proving Ground") and "Tyler" the mind-altering chemical-chamoflage alien (The "Reole") from SG-1 Episode #504 "The Fifth Man".

Great lame-ass Gateworld removed my comment too! What a joke, what happend to freedom of speech? Arent i allowd to have an opinion? The post i made wasnt even bad anyway, just voicing my concerns about having a load of kids involved. You dissapoint me Gateworld.

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