Born and bred in Portland. I kayak our rivers, wear fleece year round, smoke only killer purple buds, drink copious amounts of organic home brew and love the Trail Blazers through and through.

As VP, I will ban the sale of umbrellas and deport any and all users to the southern metropolis of Los Angeles. KGB will be legalized for sale in only family owned stores, in order to clean up our streets homeless will be given one 500K+ condo in the pearl district. I will launch an anti-Kobe Bryant marketing campaign in order to educate the populace.

My first day in office will be highlighted with; an immediate disbandment of the PBA, opening a mental health crisis center, public flogging of Howard Schultz and assignment of Matt Davis to head of the Portland Development Commission.

Greg Oden for President and Mizzz for VP!

As a native Washingtonian, I've lived with the Canadian Menace for my entire life. I've crossed the border on three separate occasions, putting me pretty much on the same level as Governor Palin.

Washington is also the closest state to Russia (closest state that counts, anyway), so I must know a thing or two about that Putin guy.

Clearly, living in Washington state endows me with Kissinger-esque foreign policy experience.

As a native Arkansan, I have plenty of experience of being drunk in public, both in city streets as well as open fields.

To this end, when I am made VP, home stills will be made legal, except in those counties identified as Baptist. In those cases, stills will only be allowed to continue to operate hidden in the minister's wood shed.

Additionally, the presence of massive man-made lakes featured on the professional fishing circuit in my home state have granted me the opportunity to hone my skills at dropping a deuce over the side of a bassboat without fouling the Evinrude.

With one foot planted firmly in the traditions of a Old White Drunken debauchery that the Kennedys have long forsaken, my other foot is pointed towards the web-toed future of a nation that will use all of our advanced weaponry to ensure that Jimmy Buffett and his fans are contained and will no longer spread to infect our youth.

My state of birth, Lousiana, certainly qualifies me for the Vice part of the job. From the decadent pleasures of New Orleans' various clubs and other haunts to the unparalleled corruption of its politics (Governors Huey "The Kingfish" Long and Edwin Edwards alone put punks like Palin to shame with the magnitude of their criminal ambitions), Louisiana lives up to the institutionalization of lawlessness that Dick Cheney brought to the White House. There's a public benefit to my sleze, too -- whatever I steal from the public would probably benefit crooks in Louisiana, whose economy could certainly use the boost after being neglected by the Feds in Katrina's wake. And if , unlike the present POTUS, my running mate turns out to actually be a hard working, competent commander in chief, I can fortify her or him with the best food and music on earth.