This Week in the Mercury

I Love Television™

Columns

I Love Television™

Into the Donkey Abyss


The Blueprint

Film

The Blueprint

So Some Stuff Happens in Safe House I Guess



  |  

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Portland / Politics Should Portland Prepare for a Great Migration?

Posted by Patrick Alan Coleman on Tue, Sep 23, 2008 at 10:44 AM

51pksFEJF2L._SL500_AA240_.jpg

As the election looms, I have been hearing from more people who claim that if McCain wins they are moving to Canada. For serious this time. No, really... They're not going to puss out like four years ago. They will really, definitely leave. Really.

Okay, I believe these people are going to follow through with their post McCain contingency plan about as much as I believe Sarah Palin is experienced enough to run a fucking voting booth. Still, I like the hypotheticals. So here's my big What If for the day:

What If Portland experienced a great Canadian migration after a McCain win? Imagine all of the disaffected individuals with bruised egos and shattered pride, hopping aboard their Volvos and recumbent bicycles, making for Vancouver like Tommy Chong with a brownie jones...

Is it possible enough people might leave the city that the craft industry would collapse? What about the dive bars and playground sports leagues? What about the record shops and independent theaters? Would it mean the collapse of Portland's green economy? Shouldn't we have some kind of contingency plan for this?

Because, I swear, if McCain gets elected and Portland is ruined because of a mass migration to Canada, I'm totally moving to Mexico. I mean it. For serious. Really.

 

Comments (17) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
"Shouldn't we have some kind of contingency plan for this?"

Totally. The west coast should secede to form a new nation, and pass laws that make us even better than Canada.
Posted by Amy J. Ruiz on September 23, 2008 at 10:59 AM · Report
2
I'm going to Holland. My mom already lives there. I think if I have to become an illegal alien, I think Holland is the place to be.
Posted by Sahar on September 23, 2008 at 11:07 AM · Report
3
I've been one of those "no, for realz this time" jackasses. But not just because of McCain. I'd just like to live in a place that is cool with LETTING ME MARRY MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND OF SIX FUCKING YEARS. *ahem* The McCain thing would just be the straw on the bigoted camel's back.
Posted by boyasunder on September 23, 2008 at 11:15 AM · Report
4
I plan on going to the border and waving a white flag of surrender Canada to conquer Oregon and Washington.
Posted by Green Peas on September 23, 2008 at 11:34 AM · Report
5
CASCADIA UNITE!!!
Posted by the people on September 23, 2008 at 11:38 AM · Report
6
Come on dude, you can't just "move to Canada." They're a country, they have laws. What's your plan, request political asylum? Good luck with that.
Posted by GLV on September 23, 2008 at 11:41 AM · Report
7
I've seriously thought about it, but I have no idea how to actually move to Canada legally. What do I need to do? What is the best way to go about it? Don't you have to have a job there before you can move there? How do I find out this information?

No, seriously, if anyone knows HOW to move there, let me know please.
Posted by Louise on September 23, 2008 at 12:00 PM · Report
8
If anyone was actually serious about this (as they equally were in 2000, 2004 etc) they're about to find out real quick how the rest of the world treats immigration. And they ain't gonna like it.
Posted by D on September 23, 2008 at 12:03 PM · Report
9
Yes, you will need to have a job in order to move to Canada. Mercury readership is going to be very disappointed to learn that "unsafe bicycling habits" and "wearing clothes that don't match" are not considered professions outside of central Portland.
Posted by GLV on September 23, 2008 at 12:25 PM · Report
10
""unsafe bicycling habits" and "wearing clothes that don't match" are not considered professions outside of central Portland."

Oh man, that made my day. I actually looked into moving to Canada in 2004, and no, not because of Bush, because my lady at the time was going to do her ph.d there. It's not as tough as you'd think to move there and set up shop. So if McCain wins and you have a house you'd like to sell me for cheap, or a place with cheap rent, let me know.
Posted by DLS 3.0 on September 23, 2008 at 1:31 PM · Report
11
Dive bars? Are you fucking serious? No real dive bar would suffer from such a douchebag exodus. Now the smoking ban, on the other hand..
Posted by jake on September 23, 2008 at 2:05 PM · Report
12
the girlfriend and i have looked into which countries don't have quarrantines for the dog. i would say that moving out of the country may be in consideration.
Posted by miguelaron on September 23, 2008 at 2:12 PM · Report
13
Jake's right, the dive bars will be fine. They'll just be repopulated with their former clientele. For those seriously considering the move, it helps if you have expertise in some obscure profession that's underrepresented up there. It also helps if you speak french, and in the case of Vancouver BC, cantonese as well. Personally, I'll be staying around to take advantage of the drop in housing demand.
Posted by Tommy on September 23, 2008 at 3:49 PM · Report
14
If you are uneducated, don't have a qualified job, don't speak French or don't have money, Canada doesn't want you. Seriously, a friend married a girl from Quebec and it took him years to get citizenship.

Read up before you even think of becoming an expat in canada:

http://www.cic.gc.ca/EnGLIsh/immigrate/index.asp

Posted by chuffpdx on September 23, 2008 at 4:55 PM · Report
15
Can they take the Democrats for McCain folks with 'em?
Posted by DemonJuice on September 23, 2008 at 6:48 PM · Report
16
Canada's lost its charm since they elected a Conservative prime minister, slashed arts funding, etc.
Posted by jason on September 23, 2008 at 7:01 PM · Report
17
I only scored 65 on the Skilled Worker Online Self-Assessment Test at chuffpdx's link.

The passing score is 67.

One more year at my job and I qualify!
Posted by DemonJuice on September 23, 2008 at 7:53 PM · Report

Add a comment

Our Friends

Our Enemies

/images/adoftheweek.gif

ad of the day

The Handyman Pro - Your Honey-Do Specialist
Don’t let our name fool you. The Handyman Pro, LLC is a repair and remodel service provider with over 25-years experience. We cover all aspects of construction and repairs for residential and commercial clients.go


post an ad

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use