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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Oct 15, 2008 at 9:27 AM

Retail sales took its largest dip in three years, as consumers shun the malls. I don't know what they're talking about... I was at the mall just yesterday, at the food court. Have you tried Oriental Max? It's delicious.

The final presidential debate is tonight, and it's all or nothing for McCain who swears up and down he's going to pull the William Ayers card. Following that, expect Obama to pull the "you look like an asshole" card.

SPEAKING OF DEBATES! Don't forget to join the Mercury tonight at the Clinton Street Theater (2522 SE Clinton) and Roots Organic Brewing (1520 SE 7th) to watch the final presidential debate -- but get their early (5:30 at the latest) to get your beer and "boo" on!

The Sacramento GOP grudgingly took down an ad on their website that said "Waterboard Obama." Wow. Sorry to put you guys out!

Vice President Dick Cheney experienced an abnormal heart rhythm today... but then it went back to normal, which is no heartbeat at all.

Speaking of lying liars, after nearly a year of denials Madonna and Guy Ritchie have announced they will divorce. Hey Sean Penn... here's your chance!

Want to virtually guarantee your daughter will eventually commit suicide? Name her "Sarah McCain Palin."

Hotsy-totsy Hayden Panetierre from Heroes explains why you should vote for John McCain: "Because he's just like Bush except he's older and has a worse temper."


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