Black Friday for the nation's media! Radar magazine folds. 02138 Magazine folds. Elle Accessories suspends production. The New York Times is "running on fumes." ABC News announces cutbacks. And worst of all? Hearst Corporation cancels holiday party! (But employees can still have sex on the copier, right?)

Shockingly, the story about a McCain campaign volunteer who was attacked and had the letter "B" carved into her face by an Obama supporter is... well... FAKE AS SHIT.

Sarah Palin testifies to an independent investigator about her role in Troopergate. "She's been looking forward to this day," her lawyer lied.

Would you like to see yet another minute of Hustler's new "Nailin' Paylin" porno parody? Oh, of course you would!

The mother and brother of American Idol fave and Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson have been reportedly shot dead in Chicago.

After refusing to have sex with him, a man took revenge on a woman by urinating on his dog. You know... I have not tried that one.

And finally, here's another funny sketch from last night's Weekend Update wherein Fred Armisen parodies CNN's election "Mega Map"! (Stop this after five minutes to avoid seeing that awful guy from "Good Burger" do Oscar Rogers.)