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Friday, November 21, 2008

Cats Rich Pets Have More Fun

Posted by Andrew R Tonry on Fri, Nov 21, 2008 at 4:04 PM

1gunther.jpg

Sometimes it's good to just absorb the strange with a smile. Settle down, take a big whiff, all the while realizing the world--and by extension, the things that trouble you--is just no big deal. Take, for example, this list of the world's richest pets. That there's a dog worth some £90 million is just too much to process during this time of economic upheaval (or it might just make you weep).

The real-life Spuds McKenzie, Gunther IV (pictured above), isn't even the original heir to the money--the old German broad never knew him, as she left it to Gunther III. Who knows if IV is even worthy? Make he's a stuck up, do-nothing prick who spends all his times and money at trendy Hollywood club fucking gold-digging strumpets and wearing pointy white Italian loafers. The fucking dog bought one of Madonna's old houses and even has his own website (check the photo gallery for sure). From Gunther's website:

Another element which the experts believe is necessary in order to raise the quality of a dog's life is for the dog to live without a specific "owner." Rather, the animal should live together with young euphoric people. These youngsters should be as dynamic, joyful and clever as possible. The experts contend that the company of young, joyful and sexually very active people operates to increase the drive, mood, alertness and other cerebral processes of the dog which in turn generates its happiness and, ultimately, better psychological health. Additionally, the company of these youngsters "pleases" the dog and brings him to fulfillment.

So basically Gunther is like the rich old dude with a broke dick and box of blow and a pool who likes the kids to come over and fuck. (Oh my God, you think Gunther and a real girl ever.. oh never mind...)

As much as I hate Gunther IV right now (OK, so the smiling at the absurd thing didn't really work), it's hard not to love #3 on the richest pets list, Kalu the chimpanzee. How can you not be down with a rich monkey? Banana daiquiris for all!

Perhaps the strangest part of all this is the teams of legal assholes who spend their entire adult lives tending to these pets and trying to syphon money out of the funds. Can you imagine? What a sad existence--less worthwhile than the pets! Choke on the kibbles, dick-pigs!

For the entire list of richest pests, I mean pets, click here. And yes, there are kitties too.

 

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