This Week in the Mercury
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Food Epicurious, Maine: Suck It!
Posted by Patrick Alan Coleman on Tue, Dec 9, 2008 at 4:24 PM
The website Epicurious released their Top Ten Food Trend predictions for 2009 last week. After I recovered from the headache brought on from all the eye rolling (my god, people, now I know how you feel reading my posts!), I was finally able to think clearly enough to put together a response.
First off, I'd like to note the inherent insanity of releasing this type of list. This kind of thing is a shit magnet. At least, it'd be a shit magnet if I attempted to name my top ten Portland food trends for 2009. By the time I got to something like "#7: More amazing restaurants appearing in the far-outer east side," I would've already been savaged to an unrecognizable pulp by latent fans of my Last Supper column. So, no thank you.
And now I've admitted my cowardice, I'll go ahead and criticize the poor sap who had the cajones to post the Epicurious Top Ten Trends: Well duhhhhhhh... We knew most of this already... Jeeeeze. Man, that's fun! I can really see the appeal now!
Seriously though. I'm glad to see that Portland is ahead of the curve on these trends. Take for instance, "smoked is the new fried." Oh man, you're telling me! I had an amazing smoked bacon sandwich yesterday at a shop to be named later and... kazaam, baby! Also, I've certainly said oodles about the amazing smoked cocktails in town.
I love that Stumptown Coffee Roasters was mentioned ("Regional Roasters are the new Starbucks,") but I need to remember that Epicurious is an international website, and not everyone realizes that local roasters have much more control over roasting than a Starbucks mega bean factory.
Portland's also ahead on the whole "Peruvian is the new Thai" thing. Just check out Nasca and Del Inti. Not to mention that beloved old stand-by, Andina.
But here's what got me going:
8. Portland (Maine) is the new Portland (Oregon)
Abundance of great chefs, restaurants, and local foodies? Check, check, and check. Want examples? Visit Five Fifty-Five, Hugo's, and Fore Street to start.
That's all the evidence you've got? An abundance of great chefs, restaurants, and local foodies? Hell, why not choose Cleveland? Or, like, a dozen other cities scattered across the US? What? Was it just because our city is named after theirs? Is that it?
I'm challenging Portland, Maine, to a fight. If they want our gold leaf coated, slightly salted, smoked chocolate crown, then they're going to have to come over here and take it! I dare 'em!
Alrighty. Now prove you've got some cajones and post your Portland food trend predictions for 2009 in the comments section below!
Showing 1-15 of 15
Let's see ... More "locally grown Pan-Asian with a Northwest flair" ... more vegan restaurants going out of business ... turkey is the new chicken ... and milksicles
No prediction, but surely there'll be a bunch of inane ones. What I'd really love to see though, is the woman in that photo beating the ever-lovin' shit out of you.
"That's all the evidence you've got? An abundance of great chefs, restaurants, and local foodies? Hell, why not choose Cleveland? Or, like, a dozen other cities scattered across the US? What? Was it just because our city is named after theirs? Is that it?"
Never been there, have you?
My hope for 2009 is that nothing is labeled the "new" anything else.
Uwajimaya is the new Chinatown.
Never been to Cleveland? Corky and Lenny's makes the best fucking corned beef sandwich on earth. NOTHING locally compares. And if you like Eastern European food, it's Cleveland, not either of the Portlands.
It's a stupid list anyway. Get over it. Who fucking cares (a bunch of food snobs who can't enjoy a corndog?) and what's really at stake. Are there like droves of people changing their travel plans from Paris or Rome in order to go to Hugo's in Portland, Maine?
Well, if they go to Portland, Maine this time of year, I pity them. PM may be on a similar latitude to our Portland, but their weather sucks compared to ours this time of year. I'll take the rain and temps generally in the 40's to big mounds of snow, gutters full of slush, and day after day of temps in the teens.
Here's another thing that make the real Portland better: ingredients. We have lobsters under $5/lb., Winter Point and Glidden Point oysters, Matsutake mushrooms (within twenty miles of town), glass eels (normally ~$400 pound in San Sebastien), sea urchin, and salt grass grazed lamb, among other things. We've the oldest organic grower association MOFGA, in the country, and the oldest, continuously running farmers market in America.
Rabelais is one of the reasons. Saveur named it one of the best cookbook stores in the country. Bartenders like Joe Ricci and John Meyers. The Death Match Kids.. The plethora of cheese makers--whatcha got aside from Rogue River? And it's now Maine Shrimp Season. Good god.
But, the writer would know all of this if he's ever visited.
I predict more yuppies prattling on about frou-frou lifestyle bullshit. I predict the same old crowd will flock to the latest flash-in-the-pan new place. I predict the snobby vegans will be powerlunching on foie gras in 8 or 10 years after landing that "awesome" design job that set out to save the world, but ended up just creating corporate baubles. Ah, portland.
I predict that foodies will continue to be snots.
I predict that some people will never understand that the concept of "best" is complete bullshit.
This is all quite silly then isn't it? What's the point? Portland, ME is a pretty cool little city, and I've heard from friends who've just moved there that Portland, OR is very clean and vegan friendly. It seems we're both pretty cool cities. Good for us!
Oh snap! I got to this via a link on portlandfoodmap.com - I like the idea of a bi-coastal Portland food fight! But be warned - those of us in the Original Portland aren't gonna make it easy for you... as anyone who's ever met a die-hard Red Sox fan can tell you, we New Englanders are loyal to the point of obnoxiousness. Food-wise, we know we've got it going on, and you should never underestimate the fighting spirit of a population made up in equal parts of hipsters and gruff seafaring types... ;-) I look forward to reading more from both sides!
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