• A $15 billion bailout appears to be in the cards for the big three automakers—but whose big idea was it to let Bush choose the "car czar"? I wouldn't let him choose a sandwich czar!

• Practically every person in Illinois is calling for the immediate resignation of Gov. Rod Blagojevich… to which Blagojevich is responding, "Fuck you, you fucking fucks."

• And in a shocking revelation, the GOP is pressuring Barack Obama to reveal any communication he may have had with Gov. Blagojevich—ignoring the fact that it was with Obama's help that Blaggy was caught in the first place.

• ABC News is reporting that Jesse Jackson Jr. is the mysterious "Candidate 5" who had allegedly agreed to pay Blago money for Obama's Senate seat.

• A Washington woman pretends she's pregnant to smuggle a monkey into the country from Thailand. Ummm… smuggle a monkey… THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!

One-in-three people polled believe in a "virgin birth." I believe in it too, because I saw it on last night's episode of House.

Jon Stewart argues with Mike Huckabee over same-sex marriage. Guess who makes more sense?