This Week in the Mercury
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Drunk Your Boozy Girlfriend
Posted by Patrick Alan Coleman on Wed, Dec 10, 2008 at 12:47 PM
She enjoys short walks to dark bars, the way your eyes look through a shot of whiskey, and sometimes just staying home to drink a quiet fifth in front of the fireplace. She's hard to shop for because her bar is stocked and she doesn't like jewelry (she'd just lose it in a drunken stupor, after all).
So what do you do? Stop thinking about her bar and start thinking about her bra. She needs the wine rack.
This beauty holds 25 oz. of her favorite alcoholic beverage and increases her bust by two sizes. Personally, I think it's a great invention. But here's the funny thing: the more she drinks, the smaller her bust becomes. This isn't such a bad thing if you're matching her drink for drink, because (lets face it) the more you drink the less her actual bust size matters. It's all about perception. I do worry about the possibility of sloshing noises, should the two of you decide to dance an inebriated Watusi.
Pair it with the booze belt, and your Christmas gift giving is in the bag.
But if you want to get something that will make both of you feel good, check out the Mercury's On-Line Charity Auction where you can bid to win a perfect boozy package that includes a private cocktail class with celebrity bartender Lance Mayhew, and a distillery district tour with yours truly.
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