Oh come the fuck on, Chicago Tribune. Really? You really called up etiquette experts to comment on my "foulmouthed side"?
"You expect more from a governor," said Barbara Pachter, an expert on business etiquette. "You don't always get it, but you expect more. This is just lousy behavior. We don't want our governors to be drunken sailors."
I bet she expects more. Well, I expect more from a newspaper based in fucking Chicago, you dumb fucks. Maybe this is why you're bankrupt. First of all, if I'd known there were fucking wiretaps inside every fucking phone I touched, and bugs behind even the portrait of myself in my own fucking house, then maybe I would've talked like I was just about to set a nice, warm cup of tea down on one of Barbara Pachter's little white fucking doilies. You know?
Second, Chicago newspaper writers are acting all appalled that a guy has a "foulmouthed side"? Fuck you guys. Really. Fuck you. I wish I had an FBI so I could bug that bar across the street from your offices, you fucking hypocritical lushes, and send THAT transcript to Barbara fucking Patcher for etiquette review. Bullshit. All of this.
And you know what, Lisa Madigan? Fuck you, too. "Unfit to hold office" my ass. I'm not going anywhere. Have you been living in this state with me, sweetheart? I'm just doing what they all do. And everyone acts like it's fucking Watergate.
Including that one.
Fuck ALL you motherfuckers.
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!