This Week in the Mercury

Savage Love

Columns

Savage Love

Getting Canned


A Different Kind of Normal

Visual Art

A Different Kind of Normal

Leah Nash's Photographs Share a Candid Glimpse into Life with Asperger's



Friday, December 26, 2008

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Dec 26, 2008 at 10:00 AM

75% of those polled say they're "glad Bush is done." See? His ratings are improving!

Fearing a ground invasion from India, Pakistan moves its troops to the border. Just keep those fingers off the button!

In order to gain more cooperation, the CIA is giving Afghani warlords VIAGRA. Sounds like an insult to me… on the other hand, I would be more cooperative with the U.S. government if they gave me Viagra, too.

A day after shooting up a Christmas party, a pipe bomb explodes in the rental car of the Santa Shooter. WTF?! This guy was the worst Santa EVER!

RNC candidate Chip Saltsman distributes a CD with the song "Barack the Magic Negro." Saltsman calls it "a light-hearted political parody." I'm pretty sure most African Americans might think otherwise.

Americans now get more of their news from the internet than newspapers. HA! HA! HAAAA!! Wait. I own a newspaper.

Ben Stiller breaks wrist snowboarding. HA! HA! HAAAA!! Wait. I like Ben Stiller.

Dog shoplifts bone from grocery store—and no, it wasn't Winona Ryder. HA! HA! HAAAA!! I don't like Winona Ryder.

 

Comments (2) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Santa shot an 8 year old in the face, and she somehow survived. : P
Posted by Will Radik on December 26, 2008 at 2:24 PM · Report
2
Also: I'd like to give Winona Ryder a bone. HAHAH!!! HAHAHHAHAHHAHH!!!!
Posted by Will Radik on December 26, 2008 at 6:45 PM · Report

Add a comment

/images/adoftheweek.gif

ad of the day

The Handyman Pro - Your Honey-Do Specialist
Don’t let our name fool you. The Handyman Pro, LLC is a repair and remodel service provider with over 25-years experience. We cover all aspects of construction and repairs for residential and commercial clients.go


post an ad

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use