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Pam Houston's Contents May Have Shifted Travels the World with Grace


Tour Guide to Shakespeare

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Tour Guide to Shakespeare

Portland Center Stage's Shakespeare's Amazing Cymbeline.



Saturday, January 31, 2009

Blazers vs Jazz - Hot Live Blog Action

Posted by Ezra Ace Caraeff on Sat, Jan 31, 2009 at 6:42 PM

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Live from the Rose Garden as the Portland Trail Blazers take on the Fightin' Mormons from the Utah Jazz. Finally, a game that matters. No offense to the Clippers, Bobcats, or Wizards, but it seems like the past couple weeks have found Portland slumming against the dregs of the NBA. But Utah, that's another story. Division rivals battling for the same precious playoff spot that Portland covets, this game matters. Hey home team, don't blow it.

Continue reading »

The BSG Spot: Welcome to the Cave of Naked Boomers!

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Sat, Jan 31, 2009 at 3:20 PM

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Spoilers ahead, people.

So here we fucking go. Last night's Battlestar Galactica kicked all sorts of ass—I'd say it was one of the best episodes of the series so far, actually, and if the constantly cheering crowd watching at the Bagdad last night was any indication, I'm not alone in my giddiness about the show being back in ass-kicking mode. And the Q&A with the episode's writer, Mark Verheiden, that happened after the screening? Pretty cool too, with Verheiden offering a few ominous hints ("You have not seen the last major character demise"), coming clean on Gaeta's character progression ("Obviously, when we started cutting his leg off and stuff, we had plans") and doing his best to not make fun of uber-nerds who asked, say, three-part questions about Hot Dog, as well as things like, "Did we ever find out what was up with the cave of naked Boomers?"

A rundown of the episode and a spot to discuss it, after the jump. (Also, yes, I really did title this post "The BSG Spot," because apparently, I have the same sense of humor that I had when I was 12. If you've got a better title idea for these weekly posts—"Good Morning Galactica," perhaps?—put it in the comments below.)

(Also, if you want to make one of those Cylon beanies? Maybe because a certain Mercury writer's birthday is coming up and you can't afford to get him this? Eh? Eh? Instructions are here.)

UPDATE: Now with video of the Verheiden Q&A, after the jump.

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Guapo Comics Art Opening Tonight

Posted by Alison Hallett on Sat, Jan 31, 2009 at 3:08 PM

This week in our books section, I wrote about the Juliz Wertz-edited collection I Saw You, in which a bunch of comics artists draw their interpretations of I Saw You ads. There are a ton of local artists represented in the collection (and this here rag even gets a shoutout, shucks).

WELL, it turns out a bunch of the artists in the collection—Jesse Reklaw, Aron Nels Steinke, Elijah Brubaker, etc—are participating in an art show at Guapo Comics, which opens tonight and runs through March.


Ashley Armbruster, Andrice Arp, Elijah Brubaker, Sean Christensen: Awesome But True, Gariet Cowin, Farel Dalrymple, Lisa Eisenberg, Theo Ellsworth, Jason Fischer, Mike Gestiv, Julia Gfroerer, Shawn Granton, Jonathan Hill, John Isaacson, Dunja Jankovic, Brodie Kelly aka Spritzfellow, Aidan Koch, Jason Overby, Jesse Reklaw, Aron Nels Steinke, Dylan Williams, J.R. Williams

'Course you can go check out the show any time through March, but tonight there will be SNACKS. And beer. Reception's from 7-10 pm at Guapo, 6350 SE Foster.

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... And This Is How You Repay Me?!

Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on Sat, Jan 31, 2009 at 8:31 AM

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A few nights ago I was attending a gallery opening sitting in a bar instant messaging a friend crying softly to myself and the topic of conversation turned to gaming publishers who no longer seemed to be in league with the devil.

While it was roundly agreed that Activision took up His Unholy Mantle somewhere around Tony Hawk's Pro Shopping Cart Racer IV, its eternal foe, Electronic Arts, had recently shed its Scrooge-McDuckian image thanks in no small part to the last few years of innovative gaming releases.

Though titles like Mirror's Edge prove more visionary than revolutionary, it, along with true gems like Skate, prove that the company is willing to take risks, even when it's irrefutably more profitable to churn out endless pabulum.

Content that I was not working as a mouthpiece for an industry as corrupt and decadent as Hollywood — and slightly bummed about the lack of decadence — I smiled, then tucked myself into bed with visions of Carroll-era Christmas treats dancing in my head (presumably only for the purposes of this sentence).

As if to prove that no good word goes un-shot-to-hell, what should I find when I awoke the next day, slipped on my plush onesie (Cronkite swore by the onesie) and fired up Ye Olde Internete?

EA has a new set of horns.

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Friday, January 30, 2009

BSG + Mark Verheiden!!

Posted by Courtney Ferguson on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 3:06 PM

Battlestar's on tonight! KUFO's Cort and Fatboy are hosting a very special guest this week at the screening... BSG writer Mark Verheiden (who also wrote the awesome My Name Is Bruce, which is playing at the Clinton St. Theater this week).

It's all going down at the Bagdad tonight at 10 pm. Frak (pak) yeah!

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Old, but cat-like version.

The Tanker (4825 SE Hawthorne) is also showing it tonight on Direct TV at 9 pm.

Don't forget that Erik will be doing a rundown of tonight's episode tomorrow on Blogtown.

Howler! Write a Poem! Win Tickets to See Calvin Trillin!!

Posted by Unpaid Arts Intern on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 3:05 PM

In honor of the fact that nobody has any money to spend on something as frivolous as public reading tours by New Yorker columnists anymore, Powell’s Books is giving away five (!) free tickets to humorist Calvin Trillin's reading at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall on February 17th, 2009. Calvin Trillin is an essayist who, in addition to the wonderful book About Alice, has written such gems as Obliviously on He Sails: The Bush Administration in Rhyme, and A Heckuva Job: More of the Bush Administration in Rhyme. All you have to do is flex that long atrophied “creative” part of your brain and post your best poem about the inauguration of President Barack Obama on the Powell’s website under the contest link.

(Hint: For the two or three people who read this blog and have actual jobs, trying to write a poem is a great way to kill the last couple of hours at work on a Friday).

If you were like me and just happened to miss that historic inauguration because you were busy getting all hot and bothered over ahem, local news, then you can watch all twenty-two kneebucklingly sweet moments here.

And if the sight of Dick Cheney in a wheelchair doesn’t inspire a Whitmanesque rift on the beauty of the universe, than you should probably watch it again for further inspiration.

The deadline for entries is midnight, February 5th 2009. Visit the Powell’s website for official contest rules.

Good luck Portland !!

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Batman: Arkham Asylum Might Not Suck

Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 3:02 PM

Batman games have traditionally been ... well, fucking terrible.

When the best pixelated representative of a property is best known for being insanely difficult (despite being based on a cartoon aimed at children) you know it's time to fire whoever plans these things and hand their salary to the people who fool kids into believing they could take to the alleys of their local metropolis to fight crime.

Times, they are a-changin' though, if the just-released trailer for Batman: Arkham Asylum is to be believed:

I refuse to say the game is destined to replace sex and breathing as your preferred lifestyle tenets, but short of conscripting Alan Moore to pen the story for this thing, the early signs look about as good as they can.

A Little Gloating and Some Free Scott Pilgrim Books.

Posted by Alison Hallett on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 2:43 PM

Hey, GUESS WHAT I GOT??

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I know! I totally hate me too!

And while I'm hoarding the hell out of volume 5, I do have extra copies of the first four Scott Pilgrim books, courtesy of the kindly folks at Oni Press. Want 'em? Send me an email by 3 pm Monday with "Scott Pilgrim" in the subject line. I'll pick one at random and email back the winner. (I'm not going to explain AGAIN how good these books are. Ask the internet, it knows.)

And for all you non-winners out there, here's a date for the iCal: Scott Pilgrim Volume 5 Release Party, Thurs Feb 5, 6-10 pm, Floating World Comics. Oni promises "exclusive Scott Pilgrim stuff that’s not available online or in any stores" (the t-shirts are super cool)—and, since it's First Thursday, there'll be a Found Photo exhibit and slide show happening as well. FUN!

BACON-GATE!

Posted by Alison Hallett on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 2:26 PM

In case anyone missed the comments on Patrick's bacon post, allow me to direct your attention. It's officially my favorite Blogtown comments thread ever.

Thanks, Patrick, for writing this post. I love bacon too, but am also sick to death of the kitschy worship that goes on with this food. I even was thinking of writing a post to that effect myself before I read yours. I mean, enough already. Besides, no bacon has the exquisite flavor of seared foie gras or Famous Ray's of Greenwich Village pizza.

Coleman, you jackass!!! I'm taking bacon infused bourbon to a chili cookoff next weekend, and if I hear ONE person mention shark jumping, it's your head on a stake! Did Ransdell put you up to this?

Oh, and I'll be done with bacon just as soon as our mayor is held accountable for looking his constituency in the eye and lying through the hole in his head... And even then, I'll be waiting for him to apologize to Ball before I give it up for good. Put that in your pole and smoke it, Savage...


Personally I think Patrick erred in suggesting that BACON ITSELF is played out. Yeah, bacon kitsch is done. But bacon? Don't fuck with bacon.

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Now You Too Can Dress Up as An Impotent Superhero!

Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 2:20 PM

When it was announced that Watchmen was finally gonna get made into a movie, fanboys across the internet cried out in terror and glee. Rumors and speculation and panic were loudly typed back and forth. But in all that limp-wristed hand-wringing, the focus of concern was always on the film itself—perhaps because the very notion is so fucking bewildering as to be batshit insane, no one ever worried about the Halloween costumes.

Behold the officially licensed Watchmen costumes, coming to stores this Halloween! For as little as $65, you'll be able to easily creep out everyone at your office's crappy Halloween party. It's your call as to who you want to dress up as in order to impress Jenny from accounts payable: Will you be the impotent superhero? The sociopathic superhero? How about the rapist superhero?

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SPOILER ALERT: No matter who you choose, Jenny from accounts payable is going to snicker derisively whenever you awkwardly straighten your cape while sipping fruit punch. More at watchmencomicmovie.com; via The Beat.

One Last Sam Adams Post! Please!?

Posted by Patrick Alan Coleman on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 2:13 PM

That's what I asked Wm. Steven Humphrey just moments ago. Then I pouted and said, "Everybody else got to post something about Sam Adams..."

"Well, okay little trooper," he replied, smiling and ruffling my hair. "You can do a Sam Adams post. But just one."

(You wouldn't believe some of the things we have to do around here...)

Anyway, little did he know that my Sam Adams post would include Kanye West! Boo-yah!

Mr. West (who recently released his new album 808s and Heartbreak) knows a thing or two about controversy. He appears to crave it just as much as he loathes it. One might say he's a kind of self perpetuating controversy engine. I saw him last summer at the Rose Garden and was astounded by the crazy diatribe that ended his show. The rant was directed towards critics (like those at Entertainment Weekly) who called his Glow in the Dark tour the "ultimate ego trip." Of course, the rant just proved their point, creating more media hype, more controversy.

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Kanye: Blasting away his critics

What the hell does any of this have to do with Mayor Sam Adams? Well, Kanye West is also a sage when it comes to controversy, and Adams could learn a thing or two from him about keeping a good attitude when faced with harsh public scrutiny. In fact, the Mayor should start by reading this recent e-mail sent from West to Rolling Stone (caps are Kanye's, not mine!):

I'M FINE WITH JUST BEING THE BEST ME! I ACCEPT AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY MISTAKES AND LEARN FROM THEM. I WILL NEVER ATTACK NEGATIVE PEOPLE AND THEIR ENERGY...I FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY DON'T THINK FOR THEMSELVES BUT MERELY BASE THEIR OPINIONS ON WHAT THEY WERE TAUGHT. LIFE IS A GAME! IF EVERYONE UNDERSTOOD WHAT I WAS DOING WHEN I WAS DOING IT THERE WOULD BE NO CHALLENGE THEREFORE NO GAME. IT IS THE CRACK IN THE WALL THAT ALLOWS LIGHT TO SHINE THROUGH... SOOO THANK YOU SENSATIONAL NEWS REPORTERS ... THANK YOU GOSSIP SITES... THANK YOU BARBER SHOPS... THANK YOU TO ANYONE WHO THRIVES ON THE DOWNFALL OF OTHERS FOR I WILL NOT FALL!!! YOUR PESSIMISM IS MY POWER... YOUR PRESUMPTIONS LEAD TO MY REDEMPTIONS ...

And so on, and so forth...

I think it's best if Adams adopts this attitude towards local media and "recall types" who'd seek to destroy his mayoral term. We need a Mayor as confident and cocky as Kanye West who will, as West puts it in the same e-mail, "SPARK A GENERATION OF THINKERS WHO WILL QUESTION TRADITIONAL THOUGHT UNTIL THEY FIND THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH." Even if that truth turns out to be that making out with an older dude in the bathroom is totally hot.

Also, if Adams could learn to rap. That probably wouldn't hurt either.

It Saturates the Screen with Terror

Posted by Courtney Ferguson on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 1:36 PM

Don't forget about the great dismemberment double feature at the Hollywood Theatre tomorrow!

The Grindhouse Film Festival will be showing Sergio Martino's Torso from 1973 (7:45 pm) and 1982's Pieces (9:30 pm). Both offer incredible examples of how to maim young people, including such varied suggestions as a pool safety net, a chainsaw, and a fancy, fruity scarf. All for only $7. Still not convinced about anteing up? How about the following reasons:

Torso!!!

The great acting in Pieces!!!

Submit Your FREE Mercury Valentine!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 1:15 PM

I GET IT. You're cold, you're busy, and your already tenuous faith in human nature and our politicians has been shattered like a child's glass unicorn. HOWEVER! There's this little matter of Valentine's Day: it's fast approaching, and you need to make a decision. You may be sad now, but think ahead a couple of weeks and ask yourself, "Will I be taking a grumpy-dump THEN?"
You're going to need sex in a couple of weeks. A lot of it. And that's why you need to write up and submit a FREE Mercury Valentine NOW. Take a couple of minutes, hop over to HERE, and write a mooshy-gooshy note of love and amore to the person (or persons) you'd like to tap. That person will get an email telling them to look in our annual Readers' Valentines Issue (hitting the street on February 12), and then when they see YOUR valentine written to THEM in our paper? They'll be all like, "Hold on. This person just professed their love for ME in front of thousands and thousands of people. I'm totally gonna let him/her tap this!"
BUT HURRY. While we'll run all valentines on line, we can only fit 1500 in the paper. So submit yours quick, the deadline is 5 pm on Thursday, February 5!

Free Mercury Valentines: Yeah. You're Gonna Tap That.

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Kittens and Comic Timing

Posted by Patrick Alan Coleman on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 1:00 PM

Unfortunately, many cats seem to lose their sense of humor later on in life—becoming crabby, hissing creatures that are best left to themselves. As kittens however, they are often masters of physical comedy. In the following example, note how the kitten builds the sense of anticipation with feints and vocalization, making the "pay-off" so much more adorable and hilarious.

Simply genius.

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Need a Blanket with Sleeves that's NOT the Snuggie?

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 11:44 AM

Some call it a Snuggie, some call it a Slanket (me)—but now there's a whole new generation of sleeved blankets called "The WTF Blanket!" They're great for giving handjobs—except that no one will want a handjob from someone who looks like a Satanist.

(Who am I kidding? I'd love a handjob from a Satanist!)

Good Mid-Morning, Food.

Posted by Patrick Alan Coleman on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 10:21 AM

Oregon Food Processing Industry Grows In Weak Economy. It's added a few thousand jobs and doesn't show signs of stopping. Apparently people still need to eat in rough times.

Big Stinking Bowl of Chicken Wing Panic. Prices are up and supply is down as we approach the wing-iest day of the year. In related news, myocardial infarctions are expected to drop sharply in Febuary.

Pierogi-Off is On. Krakow Koffee announces its first annual Pierogi challenge, to take place on valentines day in honor of Oregon's Sesquicentennial, Polish immigrants, and Martha Stewart. Wait. What?

Bacon! Gee, I seemed to have touched a nerve there. A crispy, fat-glistening nerve.

Salmonella Loophole. Feds discover that food processing plants aren't required to report if internal salmonella tests are positive. Yikes.

Hold the Wing Panic! The National Chicken Council is on the job. Colbert has the dish:

Another One Bites the Dust: Dirty Little Secret

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 9:55 AM

Can somebody please do something about this economy problem? Please? I know it's not as exciting as a sex scandal, but it's pretty suck. Seriously, get on it.

The latest victim: Dirty Little Secret. And quickly too: The salon, where many a Portlander has gotten their hair did, and which only a few years ago was doing well enough to have expanded and began offering a full range of spa service, is officially shut as of February 1st. As in, two days from now. The upside, if there is one, is that they will be having a fire sale/farewell open house on Sunday, Feb 8, 12-6 pm, with "tons of cool tables, cubbies, chairs, lights, vanities, massage/spa/salon equipment, some product, etc., all on sale—make an offer style."

If you've ever been to the salon (even if only to party after a show at Dunes), then you know how cool these people are. Time to pour some out for your homies, as they say.

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Good Morning, News!!

Posted by Matt Davis on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 8:31 AM

GDP SHRINKS 3.8%!!! It's the worst shrinkage in the US since 1982. Or, wait, is that, 1482? I'm gonna buy a chocolate cookie at Stumptown and some Camel Lights, for the good of the country.

AMAZON PROFITS UP 8.7%!!! Because everybody's staying home, and they're bored.

JON STEWART SAYS "OBAMA'S RHETORIC IS JUST LIKE BUSH'S":


STEWART: No, we're just DRUNK on BOOZE...but thanks for asking...

THE MIGHTY QUINN!!! Governor Blag...oy...Blagoih...er...Blago's replacement takes the oath.

HAUNTED HOSPITAL CALLS IN EXORCIST!!! And this is why Londoners think people in the North of England are dumb. With respect to Amanda Fritz, whose mother lives in Leeds, but hey, was born in Sutton. Which is South London. So: no offense. See what I did there?

NYT DENIES SULZBREGER/KENNEDY RUMOR!!! Although of course, these days, somebody denies a rumor, and you're more likely to think there might be some truth to it...

BACON AND BRIDGES!!! Finally, Blogtownies move on from their heated discussion of le grand monsieur et le petit monsieur dans la salle de bains a l'hotel de ville, to topics far more important. Bravo. Bonjour. Tres chic. Merci.

ASHTON KUTCHER "A DOUCHE"!!! The star has been ranting at his neighbors for doing construction in the early-ish morning. But he was good in the remake of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner with Bernie Mac! Then again, hold on. Hold on. He ditched Betty Draper for Demi Moore!? What?!? He's categorically a douche.

IT'S HOT IN AUSTRALIA!!! Although perhaps I should have entitled this post "Good Morning, Obvious!!!"

Good day.

Pack Your Sunscreen! Glass Candy, M.Ward, and Blitzen Trapper are Headed to Coachella

Posted by Ezra Ace Caraeff on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 8:22 AM

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Glass Candy, M.Ward, and Blitzen Trapper have joined the ranks of... um... uh... sorry, I lost my train of thought when I saw these two words: Leonard Cohen. Finally, Coachella steps up and provides music fans everywhere with with an ideal environment to properly enjoy Leonard Cohen (in a smoldering hot field, shoulder-to-shoulder with thousands of others, and minutes before Franz Ferdinand plays). Hmmm, perhaps I'll just stay home that night and listen to Songs of Love and Hate on the stereo.

But if you are going to Coachella—April 17th-19th—it's best you buy your tickets soon. At least for the first day, since the kids these days love their Beatles (with their cute hair and songs about hand-holding), and their Moz as well (with his cute hair and songs about hand-holding). Three day passes are "$269.00 +$3 charity + $9 facility fee" ($431? I can't add.), or individual day passes are "$99.00 +$1 charity + $3 facility fee." And since we are in a recession, Coachella's promoters are offering a layaway plan. Personally, I was just going to hop the fence and pin an "I.O.U." note to Amy Winehouse's forehead—she can't feel a thing—but layaway might be a better option.

Full details, and terrible Paul McCartney quote, after the jump.

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Thursday, January 29, 2009

Girls Rock! DVD?

Posted by Alison Hallett on Thu, Jan 29, 2009 at 6:41 PM

Um... why the fuck is there a trailer for The Hottie and the Nottie on the recently released Girls Rock! DVD?

I understood the first trailer, for the movie about the gay Christian summer camp, but this? Wait, it just got even weirder, now there's a trailer for the insanely-fucking-depressing Stephanie Daley, about a pregnant teenager who induces an abortion while on a ski trip. And... now Kathleen Hanna's singing Rebel Girl on the film's start screen.

Um. That is kinda effed, and a total bummer. I guess I will NOT be re-gifting to my nine-year-old cousin.

Can We Be Done With Bacon, Please?

Posted by Patrick Alan Coleman on Thu, Jan 29, 2009 at 5:12 PM

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I like bacon as much as the next guy. I get it: it's a bit ironic, it's fatty, it's comforting, it's delicious. But for the love of God, people, enough is fucking enough!

If I never see another bacon-laden appetizer, I wont be sad. If I never hear the word bacon in conjunction with dessert, I wont weep. I mean, c'mon, bacon jumped the shark when it was infused in bourbon. And I LIKE bourbon AND bacon... But can we please just stop now?

Oh, I guess not:

To pay homage to their favorite pork product and win golden piggy trophies, 32 competitors showed up with tin-foiled pans of their beloved "meat candy" dishes, ready to impress, boast and barter.

Entries included "Bac-lava" (buttery baklava layered with dates and bacon), "B'oars" (s'mores topped with bacon), and "Twice-the-Vice" brownies with double the original recipe's bourbon and bacon. Also for the nibbling were bacon sushi, bacon chipotle dip, bacon pancake sandwiches and bacon-stuffed glazed doughnuts oozing with mascarpone cheese.

Yaaaaaargh!!! Where was this happening? Why, right downtown in Davis Street Tavern at the Masterbacon (gag) cook-off!

Hey, Portland? We're creative folks. Lets start a new trend! Lets come up with a new ingredient and run it into the ground with our whimsy and cleverness. I'm open for suggestions. How bout a vegetable this time? How about rutabagas? Huh? Rutabagas are ironic! It's even fun to say... C'mon, try it... Rutabaga... See? No?

"I'd like to think of ourselves more like bacon prophets than bacon evangelists," Kveton, 35, says of himself and his business partner, Jason Glaspey, who together launched their all-things-bacon Web site, bacn.com, that very morning.

The pair isn't the only certifiable bacon fanatics. A guy sitting at the bar wears a cape with a homemade bacon patch. One competitor cures his own bacon. Another man, in a black muscle shirt, hasn't entered the cookoff but is sizing up the competition for next year. He's got a strip of bacon tattooed around his bicep.

Do you see what's happening here? It's madness. Simple madness. But I know we can pull it together, Portland. I know we're better than this. Now get in there and make me some rutabaga wrapped dates or something. Anything... Just stop with the bacon already.

Art Farts

Posted by Alison Hallett on Thu, Jan 29, 2009 at 5:10 PM

(That title, for an art news post: Funny or idiotic? Discuss. PS it was Erik Henriksen's idea.)

Tonight at Powell's City of Books, Hannah Holmes, author of The Well-Dressed Ape. Which is disappointingly NOT about a monkey in spats, but rather an "engaging and informative guide to that oddest and yet most fascinating of primates: the human."

There's some Fertile Groundage happening tonight for all you theater folks:


-Free at the Museum of Contemporary Craft, Craft/Craeft/Kraft , a show about the various definitions of "craft," crafted by the Fuse Theatre Ensemble. (Craft.) 7 pm.

-Inviting Desire, a collaborative dance performance based on "research" conducted in the field of female desire. Apparently it was TOO HOT for the Oregonian, so prepared to have your face burned off slightly singed. 8 pm.

-Action/Adventure's popular Fall of the House is back for a fourth season, STILL starring Mercury Renaissance Man Patrick Coleman, is at Theater! Theatre! 10:30 pm.

-And finally, the Chaplin-esque stylings of New Vaudevillian Thomas Schroye, whose The Sketchbook of Tommy Twimble shows tonight at the Armory, 11 pm.

See the Fertile Ground website for more info.

Also, for those of you who keep track of these things, we have a new Unpaid Arts Intern. He'll be around shortly.

OUTRAGE!!! Whiplash is NOT Coming to Portland!

Posted by Ned Lannamann on Thu, Jan 29, 2009 at 4:15 PM

You can't imagine how delighted I was to read the press release that arrived today:

World’s Toughest Rodeo Presents ‘Toughest Cowboy’
at the Rose Garden March 14

Hang onto your cowboy hats, Portland! The World’s Toughest Rodeo® 2009 National Tour is coming to the Rose Garden on Saturday, March 14th. Watch true-grit cowboys compete in spectacular tests of skill and endurance that will electrify and astound the whole family.
But as I scanned the rest of the press release, I quickly became dismayed. There was talk of bronc riding, women's barrel racing, and a post-event concert by Whiskey Falls... But NO mention of Whiplash.
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I was alerted to Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey's participation in the World's Toughest Rodeo Tour by a post today on Metafilter; in fact, the city of St. Paul, MI is knighting him at tonight's rodeo. (Yeah. Knighting.)

But a look at Whiplash's upcoming itinerary has no mention of him joining the Portland date of the World's Toughest Rodeo. Is he abandoning the tour? His itinerary shows him in Austin, Texas on March 14. This is an absolute outrage! In fact, I propose nothing short of demanding that Whiplash come to Portland!

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However, there is no need to act rashly out of knee-jerk emotion. Yes, tempers are hot around here. So, while I suspect I am not alone in this position, it might be wise to take a moment and conduct a poll to get a sense of how Blogtowners stand on this very important issue.

Should Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey Come to Portland?

Vote carefully, but before you do, watch this:

Public Wants 12 Lanes For Columbia River Crossing

Posted by Matt Davis on Thu, Jan 29, 2009 at 3:50 PM

75 people have signed up this afternoon at a public hearing on the Columbia River Crossing, here at City Hall. Council was expected to make a tentative decision on how many lanes the bridge should have, next week, but Adams just announced that they're going to extend the hearing until late February, so there's time to give consideration to all the options. But whatever. The public wants 12 lanes.
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COLUMBIA RIVER CROSSING: Public speaking out today...

Council chambers were packed at 2 pm, when the hearing started. Since then, everyone from the mayor of Vancouver, to residents of Jantzen Beach moorage, and people living on Hayden Island who want to get to hospital on time if they have a heart attack, to folks from the unions, to one guy, Devla Eminck, who admitted "I'm the guy in my SUV causing all the problems," to Jodi Parker, who was stuck in traffic on the bridge, trying to get to her daughter, who had gone into labor, to the Portland Business Alliance, to the Oregon Business Association, I'm yet to hear a single person say they don't want all 12 lanes to be built. The Port of Vancouver wants 12 lanes, as one of the biggest importers of wind energy technology in the United States. "Wind energy means big stuff, like 200-feet-long blades," says their spokesperson.

The consensus: 12 lanes will be safer. 12 lanes will reduce vehicle miles traveled. There's also broad enthusiasm for having bicycle lanes and light rail on the bridge. But people want 12 lanes. That's all there is to it.

Update, 4:11 pm: Zipcar General Manager and former chief-of-staff to Portland's former mayor Neil Goldschmidt, Bill Scott, has spoken up against the 12 lane option.

"I don't think we can pay for it," he says, adding that as more people give up their cars, "I'm not sure you're going to have the need for this capacity when the bridge is built, and I'd urge you to look at tolling alternatives in the short term."

Update, 4:16 pm: Anthony Gomez, an activist from Rising Tide, says that any addition of lanes would "take jobs from low income people here in Portland who really need them." "Adding more lanes will only benefit Vancouverites and free trade advocates," he says. "If you go ahead with adding six lanes and going along with the greedy needs of the folks like the Portland Business Alliance, I believe you are being racist and class-ist," he concludes.

Update, 4:25 pm: Joe Cortright says: "The quality of the financial analysis that has gone into this $4bn project is of the same caliber as that that went into Bernie Madoff's funds."

Update, 4:30 pm: Former city council candidate and transportation activist Chris Smith says "adding lanes in this corridor is not the way to build capacity for future growth." "Vehicle miles traveled will only be reduced across the river if we toll both bridges," says Smith. "If we can take cars that are idling and get them moving, then we'll reduce greenhouse gases, but obviously if we add more lanes to do that, then we end up with more traffic." Smith said there were two risks to the bridge failing. "Firstly, that we overestimate the elasticity of demand." [The Mercury has NO IDEA what that means, but, er, it's economics...] "Second, that we lack the political will to impose tolls that'll make a difference," says Smith. "If tolling fails, then I'd rather it failed on an 8-lane bridge than on a 12-lane bridge."

Update, 4:47 pm: Tom Buchele from the Pacific Environmental Advocacy Center, representing the Coalition for A Livable Future, says "I've had to sit here all afternoon and listen to this bridge described as "green" and "sustainable"," "but it's rhetoric." "We're tired." "The choice is between a 12 lane concrete monument to everything that was wrong with mid-20th century transportation planning and something much smaller that is truly consistent with Portland's values."

City Commissioner Randy Leonard says he has a problem with Buchele's arguments because he doesn't have any data to back them up. Buchele, for example, says the $2 toll is expected to reduce trips across the bridge by 39,000 a month (or 18%), but that he just doesn't believe it.

"$2 a day is about $80 a month, and that was what led me to believe that people would start to take light rail," says Leonard, challenging Buchele to bring him facts in dispute of the data.

Update, 5:16 pm: From the comments:

"And sorry to repeat myself, but the bridge doesn't belong to Portland. We didn't pay to build or maintain the current one, and we won't pay for the new one either. It isn't Portland's bridge and therefore it doesn't have to comport with our "values.""

It's interesting, isn't it, to watch Portland's city council, which is used to operating in a bubble, trying to matrix its sustainability rhetoric onto an enormous federal project that couldn't care less about 20-minute neighborhoods or what goes on in Sam Adams' pants. Tell most Portlanders "we're going to build a 12-lane freeway," and they'll ask why you need 12 bike lanes. Tell them the bridge is mainly going to benefit commuters from Vancouver, and they'll ask you "Why build it?" Wouldn't the billions of dollars be better invested on building a wall around the city, a border, if you will, patrolled by armed guards requiring creativity credentials from all who would enter? Just some thoughts that occur to me in response to yours.

Illinois Kicks Blago to the Curb

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Jan 29, 2009 at 3:34 PM

In a wildly unsurprising turn of events, the Illinois Senate has voted to kick Gov. Ron Blagojevich out of office. As he might put it… WTF?!? From CNN:

The Illinois Senate on Thursday voted unanimously to remove impeached Gov. Rod Blagojevich from office.

Blagojevich was arrested on federal corruption charges in December. Federal authorities allege, among other things, that he was trying to sell or trade the Senate seat that became vacant after Barack Obama was elected president. After the governor's arrest, the state House voted overwhelmingly to impeach him.

The Senate vote was 59-0.

Moments after removing him from office, the Illinois Senate also voted unanimously to prevent Blagojevich from ever holding political office in the state again.

And he has to apologize, pick up the Senate's cousin at the airport, and give all of them back rubs.

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