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Thursday, January 1, 2009

Drunk Goodbye to (hack wheeze caff caff moan)

Posted by Patrick Alan Coleman on Thu, Jan 1, 2009 at 9:08 AM

At 10 PM on New Years Eve, it's beginning to feel like this was a bad idea. I'm more than a pack into my Portland Smoking Ban Farewell Dive Bar Tour and I can actually hear my lungs pleading for mercy. But do I show mercy? No. Because I'm obstinate and cranky. And believe me: I'm not romanticizing a damn thing.

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ouch

I won't bore you with the details of my last three stops at Dot's, the Clinton Street Pub and the Reel 'Em Inn, but there was much drinking, dancing, smoking, arguing, and smoking.

I continued to ask people about the ban as the night wore on, but no one said anything that hadn't been said before. Besides, the responses became less and less coherent as we crept towards 2009. By the time the bells were rung and the horns blown, the most eloquent quotes I could get went something like, "Fugit! fug zose mozerfuggers! Wai' wahdjo jez ass me?" etc.

But I did come away with what I found to be an interesting trend: bartenders and servers were largely in favor of the ban—as typified by Amy, one of my all time favorite bartenders from Dot's who told me, "Fuck yeah! It's about damn time." On the other hand, most smokers I talked to were all like, "waaaaah, waaaaaaaah, waaaaaaaah."

I also heard reports of several bars that were going to go ahead and pay the smoking fines (not to exceed two grand per month). I won't blow their cover, but one of the bars is a well loved karaoke dive in Southeast and the other is a high profile downtown rock club. Take from that what you will.

As for me, I quit. My last cigarette was lit in the Reel 'Em Inn, sometime around 2:20, and finished on a cold and rainy walk between there and home. My sum cigarette total for the day was just shy of two packs. I'm not proud of it, but there it is.

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Just a couple more!

This morning, I feel like one of those kids who was forced to put away an entire carton in one sitting after being caught smoking. And like one of those kids, I'm vowing to never touch the stuff again. So I guess, in retrospect, it wasn't such a bad idea after all.

 

Comments (9) RSS

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1
why is there a $2,000.00 / month cap on the fines? doesn't that just leave the door open for bars (the ones that can afford it) to budget that in?
Posted by Rick Warren on January 1, 2009 at 12:13 PM · Report
2
Smoking not only makes you look cool, it obviously makes you much smarter too.

Keep on keepin' on, Einstein.
Posted by fahqueue on January 1, 2009 at 12:25 PM · Report
3
After the ban took hold in California there was lots of twitching and fidgeting by bar owners and smokers, special lounges, cigar stores, separate HVAC, etc. In the end, except for the Korean and Russian mob bars everyone stopped. As far as "budgeting" the fines as a cost of doing business, the fine itself is the smallest part of cost; the hearings, lawyers, civil lawsuits by militant anti-smokers, and workmen's comp claims by employees - in the end folks simply went outside to smoke. Let it go
Posted by alainb1 on January 1, 2009 at 12:59 PM · Report
4
Rick, there are further steps that can be taken if bars seem to be deliberately and continuously flouting the band. I can guarantee that there isn't a single bar in town that's seriously contemplating paying an ongoing fine to remain smoking. The state would make their existence absolute hell.
Posted by A cat on January 1, 2009 at 2:45 PM · Report
5
And while I could care less if the state makes Dante's existence hell, I would hate to see the same thing happen to Chopsticks. :(
Posted by el cubano on January 1, 2009 at 4:49 PM · Report
6
Coming soon to MTV2:

"Flouting The Band"
Posted by DemonJuice on January 1, 2009 at 7:41 PM · Report
7
ORS 433.855(3) provides "If repeated complaints (about a business flouting the ban) are received, the Department of Human Services may take appropriate action to ensure compliance."

I'm not a lawyer (yet), but I think DHS will be able to bring these scofflaws into compliance. Portlanders are too goody-two shoes to break the law for too long anyway.
Posted by jacobus on January 1, 2009 at 10:13 PM · Report
8
If there is one good thing about the ban is this. I won't be drinking as heavily as I used to. In fact I have a three drink limit now. In fact, there are some nights where I won't even drink at all.

To me smoking bans are only the beginning of more and more controls on people's vices. I think they will try to go after drinking again. The Prohibition may have not worked and I amnot talking about a total ban on alcohol but make it tightly controlled more than it is now. Maybe Oregon will make "last call" earlier. Maybe ban drinking in strip clubs.

I think the only logical answer to smoke bans are to let the market decide this one. There should be non-smoking bars and smoking bars. More people are quitting anyway and I think the money should be better used to further educate people on the dangers of smoking and perhaps start a program for people who want to quit. As for smoking bans in a bar. Come on! They aren't health clubs or juice bars!
Posted by jpxpdx on January 2, 2009 at 9:35 AM · Report
9
I agree with the above statements to the effect that DHS is not going to just sit on its hands and collect money from non-complying bars... though, doesn't the state need the money? Well, whatever- repeat offenders are going to get a plastic hassle.

There's only one real solution: open a collectively owned bar. The smoking ban only applies to places of employment, with employees. The definition of "employee" does not include owners, even if the owner works at the bar. So, someone needs to open a bar which is owned by all the people who work there. Ta-dah!

ps- congratulations, Patrick, on quitting. You fucking quitter.
Posted by Vlyon on January 2, 2009 at 1:30 PM · Report

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