This Week in the Mercury
Friday, January 16, 2009
News Good Morning, News!!
Posted by Matt Davis on Fri, Jan 16, 2009 at 8:44 AM
MIRACLE ON THE HUDSON!!! The only question remaining: How long the media can string this story out?
OBAMA SKIPS BUSH FAREWELL SPEECH!!! Which makes two of us...
BUSH'S BODY LANGUAGE!!! While his speech contained "no real admission of error or regret," observers suggest the old fucker looks like he wants us to forgive him. Much the same way those Iraqi children all look dead, I suppose.
PAKISTAN ARRESTS MUMBAI TERRORISTS!!! Averting the prospect of nuclear war with India.
NOT SO RONERY, ANYMORE!!! Kim Jong Il names his heir.
KIM JONG IL SONG: NOT RACIST BECAUSE FUNNY...
WATCHMEN LAWSUIT SETTLED!!! Warner Bros will give Fox $10m, and 5-8% of the film's gross. In other news, the moron who went ahead and shot the movie without figuring out, first, who owned the rights, gets a cruel and unusual lashing from a guy dressed like Tim Robbins in The Player, perhaps involving some unusual new form of sexual humiliation, or, er...eating live maggots. Bad attorney. Bad.
SPEAKING OF WHICH!!! Karma has caught up with Boy George, who gets 15 months in jail for imprisoning a male escort...in honor of his own imprisonment, he sported a new tattoo on the back of his head at Snaresbrook crown court, earlier today. Enjoy it, Boy. Enjoy...
AMANDA KNOX'S SEXUAL APPETITES!!! A murder trial in Italy focuses on the alleged killer's maniacal libido. Let's hope Miss Johansson plays her in the movie version.
Good day.
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