I just got off the train from Seattle, and I'm heading to the Support Sam Adams rally starting at 5:30 pm in front of city hall. See you there!

But first, if Sam Adams had anything to do with taking out four parking spaces on a downtown street and putting in rows of bike racks...

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...then he should be mayor for freakin' life no matter how many lies he tells about his sex life. Tell us you like to eat pussy, Sam, tell us you've got an eight-foot-long dick, tell us you once had a threeway with Chase Crawford and Howard Cosell on a spaceship to Mars. Just keep doing shit like this.

And for the "it's the lies!" crowd: There was an anti-Sam-Adams demonstration at City Hall in Portland this morning. The assembled crowd of roughly twenty people was comprised, according to witnesses, almost entirely of Jesus freaks. I'm sure the only problem that Portland's Jesus freak community—or Portland's suburbs' Jesus freak community—has with Adams is that he told a lie. Until Adams was revealed to be a lair—until he confessed that, yes, he had cut down that cherry tree, bent that 18-year-old over it, and fucked the living God out of him—Portland's Jesus freak community was 100% behind the city's openly gay mayor. It was only when Adams' lies were revealed that the scales fell from their eyes and the local Jesus freaks decided they had no choice but to call on Sam Adams to resign.

Uh-huh.