It's true: I want to punch Felix Gaeta in that stupid stump that he won't stop crying himself to sleep about. This guy is rapidly becoming the Jar Jar Binks of the Battlestar universe, and so say we all, the sooner he gets shoved out an airlock the better. Say, when Gaeta's floating around out there in the airless, freezing void of space, maybe he can meet up with....

Ah, fuck. At this point, I literally can't even make a reference to anyone on BSG without getting all spoilery, so follow the jump for more bitching about Gaeta, commentary on this week's episode, and my admission that I might be just a little bit gay for Chief.

Okay, so are all those fuckers who aren't caught up on Battlestar yet gone? Good. Just between you and me, I hate those assholes!

SO ANYWAY. Speaking of Cally getting blown out the airlock, fucking A, was she a skank or what, right? Sleeping around on Chief, having some other dude's baby, never bothering to tell Chief he's not said baby's father—and then having the nerve to get all guilt-trippy about that one time she saw him with Tori, and wost of all, and the whole goddamn time, reeking like cabbage! I didn't think the writers could possibly do anything to Cally to make me loathe her more, but they did. Cheatin' on my boy Chief? Not cool, Cally. Not cool. And with motherfrakkin' Hot Dog? Seriously?

I'll be honest here: Part of my anger over this is due to the fact that I might be just a bit gay for Chief. I'm okay with admitting that. I mean, let's take a look at him:

Sigh. Now, let's take a look at Hot Dog:

JESUS WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT THING? CALLY, YOU ARE SO GODDAMN STUPID AND I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE DEAD, CHUCKED OUT THE AIRLOCK AND FLOATING AROUND IN SPACE, WHERE HOPEFULLY YOU WILL BE JOINED BY GAETA SOONER RATHER THAN LATER.

Overall, it might be easy to think of last night's episode of Battlestar, the ludicrously titled "The Disquiet That Follows My Soul," as one in which not a whole lot happened, but I'll beg to differ: Reverting back to the halcyon days when Battlestar hadn't gotten carried away with its labyrinthine mythology, last night's episode brought back a ton of the cool aspects of the series without any of the mystical crap that's clogged up more recent episodes. Character-wise and plot-wise, this episode built on what's happened in the show and took advantage of ongoing developments, but didn't get carried away in exposition or mysticism. In short, it just told a solid story, and reminded people why Battlestar can be so cool.

Things I liked about this episode:

ADAMA BECOMING A GARBAGE MAN. You might say that having the admiral of a fleet of interstellar spaceships repeatedly stoop to pick up litter in his ship's hallways is degrading. Well, I think it shows civic pride. If I were an elementary school teacher, I'd give Adama an A+ in citizenship, because he takes pride in his community, and that is the way to be.

STARBUCK TELLING GAETA WHERE TO SHOVE IT. It was up his whiny ass, in case you didn't catch it. Gaeta spent this whole episode moaning and rolling his eyes and bitterly calling Cylons "toasters" and basically foreshadowing that he's gonna do something really bad and/or stupid in the next episode or two, but Starbuck wasn't having any of it, and was all, "Hey, choir boy? Stop yer yodeling for two minutes and suck it, gimpy." If I lived on the Galactica, Starbuck would get really sick of me because I'd be all Colin Creevy around her, always running around behind her and trying to give her high fives and stuff. And maybe trying to kiss her. (But only if Chief wasn't looking.)

SIX AND TIGH LOOKING AT THEIR ULTRASOUND OF THEIR FREAKISH, UNHOLY CYLON OFFSPING. Aww. It was sweet! And also: So now Cylons can reproduce with each other?! Call this "revelation" a hastily-written plot device or whatever, but it was still a cool thing to find out. Plus, it gave Doc Cottle and Ol' Drunky an excuse to smoke around a pregnant chick, and if that's not television gold, then I don't know what is.

ZAREK GETTIN' UP IN EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS. Tom Zarek is a badass. Sure, he's a former terrorist or whatever, but he also has a tendency to keep Adama and Roslin on their toes, and his willingness to look for the worst in the fleet's leadership (albeit while exploiting it for personal gain) makes the whole political aspect of the show about a billion times more interesting. Every time Zarek shows up, you can rest assured that the whole "moral ambiguity in times of great conflict" thing that Battlestar does so well is about to happen. Plus, Zarek is all anti-Cylon now—and using fear of Cylons in the fleet for his own gain seems like it could lead somewhere promising.

NO MOURNING FOR DEE. Seriously, did last week's disappointing episode even happen? Offhand, I can't think of a single reference to the major events from last week, like finding out Ellen was the final Cylon, or finding out how satisfying it is to watch Dee fire a slug through her skull. Part of me thinks this feels a bit lazy—shouldn't these characters be dealing with the prety major repercussions from the previous episode?—but part of me also realizes that if they had addressed last week's events, it most likely would have been in the form of Gaeta singing a funeral ballad for Dee, and the very thought of that makes me want to fire a slug through my own skull, so I guess I'm glad none of that happened.

Things I did not like about this episode:

ROSLIN. Seriously, Roslin, nut up already. You used to be a stronger character than this. If I wanted to watch a melodrama about some middle-aged lady being brave and accepting the inevitable and carpe diem-ing or whatever before she died, I'd be watching the Lifetime Channel, not Sci Fi.

ADAMA AND ROSLIN DOIN' IT. Granted, I guess it's kind of hot (in a weird, semi-uncomfortable way) that Roslin looks like that bald chick from Star Trek: The Motion Picture now, but this still just weirds me right the hell out. I don't like to think of old people in bed together. Instead, I like to think of them sitting on a porch at sunset, demurely holding hands, reflecting on the rewarding lives they've led, and also reflecting on how great it was that they saved a few bucks by getting the early bird special when they ate dinner at Denny's at four in afternoon. The idea of Adama just really givin' it to Roslin, meanwhile, doesn't really do anything for me.

BALTAR'S HAIRCUT. So now Baltar, having obviously visited the fleet's U.S.S. Supercuts, shows up doing his radio show or whatever, and it looks like now that he's convinced a bunch of people in the fleet to be monotheists, now he's working on turning them into atheists. I'd like to say that Baltar still serves his purpose on this show—like Zarek, he used to be somebody who shook things up in pretty grand fashion, making everybody else try to figure out what to do in response—but frankly, I found the pre-cult scientist Baltar way more interesting than cult-leader philosopher Baltar. Admittedly, this might have something to do with a disappointing lack of sexy hallucinations of Six.

Thoughts? Reactions? Have at.