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Friday, January 30, 2009

Good Morning, News!!

Posted by Matt Davis on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 8:31 AM

GDP SHRINKS 3.8%!!! It's the worst shrinkage in the US since 1982. Or, wait, is that, 1482? I'm gonna buy a chocolate cookie at Stumptown and some Camel Lights, for the good of the country.

AMAZON PROFITS UP 8.7%!!! Because everybody's staying home, and they're bored.

JON STEWART SAYS "OBAMA'S RHETORIC IS JUST LIKE BUSH'S":


STEWART: No, we're just DRUNK on BOOZE...but thanks for asking...

THE MIGHTY QUINN!!! Governor Blag...oy...Blagoih...er...Blago's replacement takes the oath.

HAUNTED HOSPITAL CALLS IN EXORCIST!!! And this is why Londoners think people in the North of England are dumb. With respect to Amanda Fritz, whose mother lives in Leeds, but hey, was born in Sutton. Which is South London. So: no offense. See what I did there?

NYT DENIES SULZBREGER/KENNEDY RUMOR!!! Although of course, these days, somebody denies a rumor, and you're more likely to think there might be some truth to it...

BACON AND BRIDGES!!! Finally, Blogtownies move on from their heated discussion of le grand monsieur et le petit monsieur dans la salle de bains a l'hotel de ville, to topics far more important. Bravo. Bonjour. Tres chic. Merci.

ASHTON KUTCHER "A DOUCHE"!!! The star has been ranting at his neighbors for doing construction in the early-ish morning. But he was good in the remake of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner with Bernie Mac! Then again, hold on. Hold on. He ditched Betty Draper for Demi Moore!? What?!? He's categorically a douche.

IT'S HOT IN AUSTRALIA!!! Although perhaps I should have entitled this post "Good Morning, Obvious!!!"

Good day.

 

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IT'S CATURDAY!!! POST SOME FUCKING CATS!!!
Posted by A cat on January 30, 2009 at 11:20 AM · Report

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