This Week in the Mercury

One Day at a Time

Columns

One Day at a Time

The Week in Review


Happy Mother's Day!

Theater

Happy Mother's Day!

Greek Gods Go Gangland in Oedipus el Rey



  |  

Friday, January 30, 2009

Mercury Submit Your FREE Mercury Valentine!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Jan 30, 2009 at 1:15 PM

I GET IT. You're cold, you're busy, and your already tenuous faith in human nature and our politicians has been shattered like a child's glass unicorn. HOWEVER! There's this little matter of Valentine's Day: it's fast approaching, and you need to make a decision. You may be sad now, but think ahead a couple of weeks and ask yourself, "Will I be taking a grumpy-dump THEN?"
You're going to need sex in a couple of weeks. A lot of it. And that's why you need to write up and submit a FREE Mercury Valentine NOW. Take a couple of minutes, hop over to HERE, and write a mooshy-gooshy note of love and amore to the person (or persons) you'd like to tap. That person will get an email telling them to look in our annual Readers' Valentines Issue (hitting the street on February 12), and then when they see YOUR valentine written to THEM in our paper? They'll be all like, "Hold on. This person just professed their love for ME in front of thousands and thousands of people. I'm totally gonna let him/her tap this!"
BUT HURRY. While we'll run all valentines on line, we can only fit 1500 in the paper. So submit yours quick, the deadline is 5 pm on Thursday, February 5!

Free Mercury Valentines: Yeah. You're Gonna Tap That.

88dc/1233350013-11zernike.600.jpg

 

Comments (11) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
IT'S CATURDAY!!! POST SOME FUCKING CATS!!!
Posted by A cat on January 30, 2009 at 1:17 PM · Report
2
Oh, for fuck's sake. Here you go…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJbpKQrLHTQ
Posted by Wm. Steven Humphrey on January 30, 2009 at 1:38 PM · Report
3
IT'S STILL CATURDAY!!! POST MOAR CATSES!!!
Posted by A cat on January 30, 2009 at 1:50 PM · Report
4
Fucking damnit!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTxW3GWZ5hI
Posted by ROM on January 30, 2009 at 2:11 PM · Report
5
AWESOME!!! DON'T STOP NOW!!! MORE CATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by A cat on January 30, 2009 at 2:22 PM · Report
6
I would post more, but that cats on a roomba video just completed my life. I have nothing left to give, and I am okay with that.

I wish you the best of luck, A cat. One day I hope you'll have all the cats you'll ever need, which will also be all the cats in the entire world, I'm guessing.
Posted by ROM on January 30, 2009 at 2:53 PM · Report
7
i think the merc should publish many misdirected valentines about things rather than couples. couples make me sick. sending mine now. :)
Posted by Mizzzzzzz on January 30, 2009 at 2:56 PM · Report
8
ROM, THIS IS FOR YOU.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUWcgQxH0lI

SKIP AHEAD TO 2:30-ISH IF YOU'RE IN NEED OF INSTANT CATNESS.
Posted by A cat on January 30, 2009 at 4:23 PM · Report
9
@ ROM:

I've watched a LOT of cat videos on youtube, but I think that one wins.

Thank you.

Posted by Joneser on January 30, 2009 at 5:04 PM · Report
10
Umm... how did I end up on /b/?
Posted by funknut on January 30, 2009 at 5:21 PM · Report
11
TITS OR GTFO.
Posted by A cat on January 30, 2009 at 9:46 PM · Report

Add a comment

Our Friends

Our Enemies

/images/adoftheweek.gif

ad of the day

The Handyman Pro - Your Honey-Do Specialist
Don’t let our name fool you. The Handyman Pro, LLC is a repair and remodel service provider with over 25-years experience. We cover all aspects of construction and repairs for residential and commercial clients.go


post an ad

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use