Live from the Rose Garden as the Portland Trail Blazers take on the Fightin' Mormons from the Utah Jazz. Finally, a game that matters. No offense to the Clippers, Bobcats, or Wizards, but it seems like the past couple weeks have found Portland slumming against the dregs of the NBA. But Utah, that's another story. Division rivals battling for the same precious playoff spot that Portland covets, this game matters. Hey home team, don't blow it.

PRE-GAME:
Portland is definitely not used to playing ball in February (whatever, it's close enough) and looking down at Utah in the standings. The reason that is; karma. Or injuries. Okay, it's the injuries. Nearly everyone in a Jazz jersey has spent time out of the lineup, and currently that includes a pair of their best starters: Carlos Boozer and Andrei "Russia STRONG" Kirilenko. That means they've had to rely on such household names as Kosta Koufos, Kyrylo Fesenko, Kyle Korver, and various other players with a "K" in their name. Krazy.

Problem is, Utah has channeled the mighty celestial spirit of Joseph Smith and whupped Portland twice already this year. Granted, both games were on their home court, but the Blazers need to sweep the remaining two games so they don't lose a possible tie-breaker to them Utes.

Could tonight be the final night for a few Blazers? The trade deadline is approaching, and the team seems destined to unload Raef LaFrentz's massive paycheck—plus a few players—in the coming hours/days/weeks. A trade to Chicago for Kirk Hinrich and Luol Deng? A trade to Charlotte for Gerald Wallace, Raymond Felton, and Adam Morrison's mustache trimmings. Whatever happens, Channing Frye will probably need to update his blog...

For all those who remember back when Ha Seung-Jin was on this team and they couldn't give tickets away, tonight is the 50th consecutive sell-out.

FIRST QUARTER:
10:49 - Three plays, three steals. Utah has yet to even shoot the ball, the Blazers have swiped it on three straight plays. 4-0 Blazers.

9:42 - Sergio Rogriguez outplaying Deron Williams? This has been the best three minutes of his life. 9-4 Blazers.

8:05 - Sergio with a three? Good lord, he now has seven points. Roy follows with a three, and previous to that Nicolas Batum hit a pair from beyond the arch. Portland is shooting 100% from the big kid's section. 18-9 Portland.

5:30 - Roy misses a three. The dream of 100% shooting from downtown is now dead. Previous to that CJ Miles drains a Gilbert Arenas three (does that mean he gets injured and disappears for a few years?) for Utah. 21-17 Portland.

2:41 - Hope you took the Over. Portland is shooting 69% from the field, while Utah has been even better, draining baskets at a 77% clip. Defense is for suckers. 25-21 Blazers.

2:21 - Ukraine 1. Pryzbilla 0. Kyrylo Fesenko knocks the Vanilla Horchata to the floor for disrespecting the women of Kiev, or for trying to grab a rebound. Perhaps both. 29-21 Blazers.

0:21 - Kyle Korver and Rudy Fernandez on the floor at the same time? There hasn't been this much dual heartthrob action since the time Cory Heim and Cory Feldman teamed up for License to Drive. I've been waiting to use a NBA/Feldman/Heim line for three years now. God, that felt great. 33-26 Blazers.

SECOND QUARTER:
9:59 - Rudy (Heim, to Korver's Feldman) for a three from a couple feet north of the arch. 38-26 Portland.

8:32 - The one thing the Vanilla Alpaca does better than Oden is cut quickly to the hoop. Two plays in a row he gets the ball on the run within the paint: The first one was a dunk, the second drew a foul (where he failed us all by missing both from the charity stripe). 42-28 Portland

5:10 - Switching roles, Rudy guns an amazing bounce pass through the entire Jazz defense to hit Roy under the basket in stride. Two points. 44-36 Blazers.

2:46 - Roy passes off the back of Pryzbilla's head. That's all. It was just funny to watch. While all that was happening, Utah crawled back into the game. 49-45 PDX.

0:23 - The Blazers have fallen apart these past few minutes. A lead that was just 14 points is down to 5. Jazz a-comin'! 52-47 Portland.

THIRD QUARTER:
9:51 - Batum with a fastbreak dunk. Aldridge dunks on the next play. Then Oden gets in on the dunky dunky as well. For Portland, the second half starts just like the beginning of the game did. 58-49 Blazers.

8:26 - Sergio with the greatest pass to ever leave his fingertips, as he goes over his shoulder to a driving Przybilla for the dunk. 66-53 Portland.

8:18 - Brevin Knight is a total sport. He's the first player I have ever seen be a victim of the "Kiss Cam" and not act like a homophobic prick. He smooched the back of Matt Harpring's head (who turned away). It was no taking Kyle Korver to senior prom, but now I will forever have respect for Brevin Knight. Well played, sir. 69-57 Blazers.

4:20 - Bayless turns a long rebound into a four-on-one, where Roy finishes with a dunk. The Blazers now have their biggest lead of the game at 16 points. 78-62 Portland.

2:54 - Make that 20 points. Utah is usually not the sort of team you blowout, this feels like it wasn't really supposed to happen like this. 84-64 Blazers.

1:39 - Rudy goes around the back and drops in a layup, much to everyone but Utah's delight, but is somehow whistled for a travel. It wasn't, but it just looked too good to be true. He has yet to melt the hearts of the officials with his rugged Spanish charm. Sigh. He's like a majestic stead that cannot be broken, or tamed. 86-69 Portland.

0:05 - As time expires, Sergio to Rudy for an acrobatic layup as the buzzer sounds. That was a little fuck you en espanol directed right at the Jazz. 90-73 Portland.

FOURTH QUARTER:
12:00 - Again! Rudy with a ridiculous one handed dunk from a Sergio alley-oop. Someone is getting ready to win a trophy in the dunk contest. I'll give you a hint, it's Dwight Howard. But that dunk was still nice. 92-75 Portland.

9:41 - Oden has been stuck in "Classic Oden" mode (five fouls, five points) all night long. It has not really been an issue with everyone else on the team playing so well, but it marks the first time in a few weeks that the #52 has had trouble on the court. 98-79 Blazers.

7:01 - As is always the case in a game this lopsided, PULL THE FUCKING STARTERS. I don't need to see Portland's playoff dreams crushed by a swinging elbow to Brandon Roy's skull, courtesy of Kyrylo Fesenko. This game is not close. Utah is not coming back. Get the precious cargo off the court now... 105-88 Portland.

3:01 - The Vanilla Armadillo with a putback dunk while getting fouled. Unlike Oden, Pryzbilla has the most anonymous double-doubles. He has a quiet 14 points and 17 boards on the night. Oh, and the starters are still out there. Does that mean that Coach McMillan doesn't listen to my priceless advice? Listen up Nate, you start paying attention to me or your job is as good as mine. 116-94 Portland.

3:00 - He listened! Ike Diogu, Frye, and Shavlik Randolph are in the game. 116-94 Portland.

0:53 - Shavlik with a layup and now every single Trail Blazers has scored. Awwwww. 122-106 Portland.

Okay, we're done. Portland looks fantastic, never trails, and removes the still-beating heart of the Jazz (then triumphantly holds it high in the air, for all to see). Your final score: Portland 122, Utah 108. Good night.