Democrats are optimistic that the House and Senate will agree on a stimulus bill today. And it may only cost $790 buh-buh-billion?

The House reminded top bank CEOs today that the public fucking hates their goddamn guts, and they'd better do something quick to win back our favor. Maybe a hummer to go along with that free checking?

Only days before he was arrested, the wife of Wall Street crook Bernard Madoff withdrew a whopping $15 million out of their brokerage account—but since she was going to use it to bail out bankers, that's okay.

Quarterback Brett Favre informed the New York Jets today he will be retiring after 18 seasons. However, he will return to the locker room for the team's weekly game of "slap & tickle."

Washington state is proposing a tax on porn. WTF?? What's next? AIR?!?

India is launching a new soft drink to compete with Coke and Pepsi made out of cow urine. Hey, I know Coke and Pepsi isn't great, but that's really insulting.

Ummm… Chris Brown? Just thought you might want to know that… umm… you know Jay-Z? He's going to have you… like… killed.

Mickey Rourke and Courtney Love? DATING?? No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!!!