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Friday, February 13, 2009

Drunk Chocolates and Boozy Goodness

Posted by Patrick Alan Coleman on Fri, Feb 13, 2009 at 3:21 PM

Jeff McCarthy, pastry chef from Ten-01, and House Spirits distillery have teamed up to release a line of booze filled chocolates. The chocolates will be given away free with an alcohol purchase from their Apothecary, 2025 SE 7th ave, tomorrow between 11 am and 4 pm. You know, a bottle of Marteau absinthe and some booze filled chocolates might go a long way to getting yourself some sloppy drunken action.

But why wait for tomorrow to start drinking? That's a stupid question. In honor of Oregon’s 150th birthday, Rogue will be having a party to release their Sesquicentennial Ale tonight a 5 pm at their Pearl District location. The estimable John Foyston describes the beer as “an amber orange ale with a sweet malt background and a pronounced citrus hop aroma and flavor.” You’ll also get a chance to throw some elbows at Sesqui the Sasquatch, the states sesquicentennial mascot… While eating cake.

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In other news: I stand corrected. I was contacted by the OLCC about last Saturday’s Boozy Goodness post in which I waxed po-rant-ic about a few proposed rule changes. Apparently, I misunderstood some the language in the rule change proposal (also pointed out by blog commentator bartender). As a bartender, I took the term “free pour” to mean pouring booze without measurement. What the OLCC means by “free pour” is “pouring directly into a person’s mouth.” Okay then. But… And I’m just mulling this over… If the OLCC is supposed to be working with bartenders, don’t you think they’d want to use language in their proposals that sync up with the language of bartenders? I’m not saying it needs to be laced with bad jokes, foul language, and sexual innuendo (though it wouldn’t hurt)… I’m just saying that maybe it should share a common working vocabulary.

Never-the-less, I am hereby amending my previous post:

Free pouring (into someone’s mouth) correctly is actually a skill. It took practice to get my count correct when I was a bartender (pouring booze directly into people's mouths), but eventually I had my shots dead on. Still, places that want to make precise, excellent cocktails will be using jiggers to make drinks (instead of making them in people’s mouths). Free-pouring (into people's mouths) and dive (?) bars, however, go hand in hand (and mouth). I think the OLCC just has something against dives. First the state takes the smoke out of my smoky dive bars, and now they want to stop free-pouring (into peoples mouths)? Then tell me this, OLCC, what’s the goddamn point of becoming a regular at your local bar if the bartender can’t show you their love by pouring a stiff one (directly into your mouth)?

Better!

Also, apparently games like beer pong are already illegal in the state. Which means, there are currently underground beer pong death matches! Why hasn’t anyone told me? This is an amazing journalistic opportunity! Sure Hunter S. Thompson had the Hell’s Angels, but I have the opportunity to get the shit beat out of me by an underground beer pong death match gang. How Gonzo!

As far as I know, though, bottle service and alcohol vaporization machines are still in danger.

Finally: I love you all. I mean it. Cheers.

 

Comments (6) RSS

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1
ITS CATURDAY!!!

POST SOME FUCKING CATS!!!

p.s. the home version of the AWOL is $300. I'll put in $50 if the Merc office buys one. for reals.
Posted by A CAT, probably on February 13, 2009 at 3:31 PM · Report
2
NOT A CAT, do a GIS for "alcohol without liquid"

Everyone using the machine looks like a douche.

You don't want to look like a douche, do you?
Posted by Graham on February 13, 2009 at 3:40 PM · Report
3
It's a balancing act, Graham. Part of my schtick is that I come off as a bit of douche, no? Does the idea of me getting vapor-drunk with the Merc staff not sound lulzy? Matt and me drunk in the same building sounds awesome.
Posted by A CAT, probably on February 13, 2009 at 3:53 PM · Report
4
Did you know that Matt's cell phone number is easily available on the internet?

There's also a big difference between looking douchey and acting douchey. I doubt you've got a spray-tan and a popped collar.
Posted by Graham on February 13, 2009 at 3:58 PM · Report
5
I grew up on the gold coast of Connecticut, dude. Jerzey/LI guidos were one of the most popular haloween costumes throughout high school. Give me a few minutes notice and popped collars, blow-outs, gold, and bitches named Cheryl are totally doable.

And yes, I know Matt's number. It's in my phone. I've never called it, nor attempted to personal army it. Like I said, a fine line. Gotta keep people on their toes.
Posted by A CAT, probably on February 13, 2009 at 4:11 PM · Report
6
"Part of my schtick is that I come off as a bit of douche"

A bit of a douche? Such modesty, especially coming from someone from the most deplorable part of the most despicable state in the union.

The gold coast of Connecticut. And you're not trying to be ironic--that's the best part.
Posted by jake on February 15, 2009 at 8:34 PM · Report

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