This Week in the Mercury
Friday, February 13, 2009
Film Kevin James Is the New Rob Schneider.
Posted by Erik Henriksen on Fri, Feb 13, 2009 at 1:04 PM
When Paul Blart: Mall Cop was an unexpected "box-office sensation," there was talk of a sequel, much to the delight of the two biggest Paul Blart fans on the planet, myself and Mercury Editorial Assistant Ned Lannamann. (Case in point: Here's something Ned said seven minutes ago. "Do they have Paul Blart toys yet? I want to buy them! They have to." Then I heard him frantically typing, and then came the dejected answer. "Nope," he said. "No toys.")
But while there aren't any Blart toys—YET—James' next project has been announced. Behold!
In The Zookeeper, the animals at the zoo adore their caretaker Andrew (James), an amiable but lonely guy who's never quite fit in. [JUST LIKE PAUL BLART!] Finding himself more comfortable with a lion than a lady [HA HA HA!], Andrew decides he should leave the zoo and get a life [MAYBE AT A MALL? AS A MALL COP? PLEASE?]. When the zoo animals discover his plan they decide to break their code of silence and reveal their biggest secret: they can talk! [HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!!!!] Now they won't shut up [HA HA HA! I'LL BET!] and they're teaching Andrew nature's best mating rituals [SAUCY!]. To help him win the girl of his dreams and save their happy family [WAIT, SO THEY'RE ALL RELATED?] they're willing to do—or say—anything.
Fucking genius. Sure, I'm disappointed that a Paul Blart sequel (Blartquel?) won't be happening as soon as I'd like, but on the upside, this gives me and Ned a few more months to really polish up our script for Paul Blart: Mall Cop II: Paul Blart: Mall Cop and the Chamber of Secrets.
1
We'd rather not moderate your comments, but off-topic, gratuitously inflammatory, threatening, or otherwise inappropriate remarks may be removed, and repeat offenders may be banned from commenting. We never censor comments based on ideology. Thanks to all who add to the conversation.
Most Commented on Blogtown, PDX
-
City's "Overnight Sleeping" Program Finds First Host—and Neighbors React in Ugly Fashion by Denis C. Theriault
-
Game of Thrones Recap: Calm Before the Storm Edition by Joe Streckert
-
Portland Button Works Opens on Killingsworth by Alison Hallett
-
We're Number One! by Alex Zielinski
-
Win Tickets to Hecklevision: Point Break! by Erik Henriksen
-
Thursday TV Recaps for Poor People! The Final Finales. by Elinor Jones
-
Good Morning, News! by Nathan Gilles
-
Weekend Eatings: Corazón and The Slide Inn by Marjorie Skinner
-
North Williams Open House by Alex Zielinski
-
Mad Men: Christmas in Spring by Jacob Schraer
Our Friends
- UrbanHonking
- Culture Shock
- Portland Roundball Society
- Steph Cassano
- Cort and Fatboy
- Street Roots
- Powell's Books Blog
- Portland Transport
- Portland Afoot
- Bike Portland
- Eater: PDX
- Portland Food and Drink
- Mr. Movie
- Sunday Softball
- BlueOregon
- Sightline Institute
- Ultra: Arts Portland
- Bitch Magazine
- Blazer's Edge
- Reading Local: Portland
- Portland Food Carts
- Stumptown Vegans
Our Enemies
The Handyman Pro - Your Honey-Do Specialist
Don’t let our name fool you. The Handyman Pro, LLC is a repair and remodel service provider with over 25-years experience. We cover all aspects of construction and repairs for residential and commercial clients.
RSSGoing to Seattle?
Comments (2) RSS