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Thanks to Hulu and the Fox “Reality” TV Channel, I’m not sure my soul will ever be clean again. I speak of my current obsession with the show Solitary, which is one of the most painful, despicable, outrageous, and disgusting abuses of television to ever be fed in steaming shovelfuls to the lowest common denominator. I fucking love/hate it.

The conceit is fairly simple: A sentient computer named VAL locks volunteers (guests) into disorienting octagonal isolation pods. The pod’s environment (heating, lighting, sound) is controlled entirely by VAL. With no outside contact the machine is all the guests have. VAL is represented as a disembodied computerized voice. Over the course of the show, VAL tortures the contestants in interesting and sadistic ways: sleep and food deprivation, over-stimulus with flashing lights and sirens (for hours), complete isolation, as well as various taunts, challenges, and personal questions.

The idea is to push the guests until they quit the competition by hitting a big red button in their pods. The last guest remaining wins $50,000.

For some, $50,000 may seem like a lot of money. But it’s a ridiculously small purse in the realm of reality television. This is especially true when you consider VAL’s “treatments,” which on the current season have included the application of 42 “flesh clips” that are more painful to remove than to wear, prolonged inhalation of noxious smells, including “liquid ass,” and sitting on a teeny-tiny octagonal stool for a number of hours.

For some reason, I find the show incredibly funny. The more twisted the tortures for the guests become, the more I laugh. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It frightens me. And yet, I am compelled to watch these people endure physical discomfort, extreme loneliness, and humiliation.

I feel incredibly guilty about this. Solitary is the penultimate in Western decadence. We make a spectacle of torture (with benefits!) when there are places in this world where this kind of abuse can’t be escaped by hitting a red button? We do it when, in some places, that abuse is sponsored and supported by us? Unbelievable. Are we voluntarily torturing ourselves on television as some kind of unconscious repentant act? C’mon! I just want to watch this S&M TV show and relax! I don’t want to think!

Solitary is billed as a social experiment, which may be truer than the creators first imagined. I find myself wondering which is the more interesting social experiment: watching the show, or participating in the show?

It’s clear, after binging on Solitary for an entire day, VAL’s guests go through some heavy emotional shit—not the least of which is developing an attachment to a disembodied voice. It’s cathartic, freaky, and sometimes insane. I wonder if there could be any lasting damage from this program? I’m worried about the cleanliness of my soul just from the macabre glee I experience from watching the show; I can’t imagine what you’d be worried about if you actually participated. Probably a bit more than welts from flesh clips.

And speaking of clips:

Man, I feel so much better after confessing this sick compulsion to watch Solitary. I better load up another episode.