This Week in the Mercury

Globetrotter

Books

Globetrotter

Pam Houston's Contents May Have Shifted Travels the World with Grace


I Love Television™

Columns

I Love Television™

Into the Donkey Abyss



Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Thanks for Disappointing Me Again, "Future"!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Feb 25, 2009 at 4:34 PM

You know, I'm getting really sick of the LIES being told to me by "the future." First the future told me I would eventually get a hover board. That turned out to be BULLSHIT. Then the future told me I could one day expect Social Security. Again… BULLSHIT. But wait! That's not the worst part! THEN the future told me back in 1989 that I would one day be driving around in a day-glow green Pontiac Stinger that came with such futuristic options as "a funky looking CD player," "a door that's a removable ice chest," AND "a garden hose"!

SO WHERE THE FUCK IS MY STINGER, FUTURE? YOU GODDAMN LIAR!!

Have you been lied to by "the future"? Join other victims now at RecallTheFuture.com.

 

Comments (7) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
looks like a combination of the fiero and the aztek with early 90s neon colorway.

as a former employ of GM, I can tell you that you would not want this car. GM + electronical everything = bad. sure, it looks awesome, but do you still ride your pogoball?

plz stop the irony, kthanx
Posted by miguelaron on February 25, 2009 at 5:40 PM · Report
2
Well, Humpy, you know what they say ... the breaking of innocence is the beginning of wisdom.

They're just breaking your spirit now so that in 10-20 years or so when the ambisexual washrooms don't happen you won't have to get so depressed then.

I'm still waiting on Soylent Green™.

Yes, even though it's people.
Posted by Samuel John Klein on February 25, 2009 at 9:58 PM · Report
3
MAC FRY! READ MY FAX!!
Posted by Will Radik on February 25, 2009 at 10:29 PM · Report
4
I was lied to in 1970 by the 1959 book "You Will Go to the Moon."

At the age of 6 this book was my bible and my drug of choice rolled into one.

Check it out: http://www.flickr.com/photos/apelad/sets/7…

Is that awesome throwback action or what?!
The sequel was titled "You Will Have Internet Porn," and was much closer to the mark.
Posted by God of Gamblers on February 26, 2009 at 10:53 AM · Report
5
GM + Everything = Bad

Posted by Bobby Sands on February 26, 2009 at 9:37 PM · Report
6
What's the garden hole for?
Posted by scrappers on February 27, 2009 at 12:35 PM · Report
7
What's the garden hose for?
Posted by scrappers on February 27, 2009 at 12:36 PM · Report

Add a comment

/images/adoftheweek.gif

ad of the day

The Handyman Pro - Your Honey-Do Specialist
Don’t let our name fool you. The Handyman Pro, LLC is a repair and remodel service provider with over 25-years experience. We cover all aspects of construction and repairs for residential and commercial clients.go


post an ad

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use