First, and most importantly: Why yes, that is a Battlestar Galactica belt buckle.

Second, and utterly, totally coincidentally: Yes, my birthday is coming up very, very soon. Just saying.

Third, and almost as important as the above: Last night was the last episode of Battlestar before the big two-part series finale (and also the last before next week's Katee Sackhoff appearance at the Bagdad). Hit the jump for all sorts of spoilery talk about what the inexcusably titled "Islanded In a Stream of Stars" means for the series—plus, as always, a place to weigh in with your thoughts. (Perhaps you'd like to suggest a better title for this episode? Really, more or less anything will do.)

"Islanded In a Stream of Stars" "That Episode Wherein Ellen Bewilderingly Referred to Tigh as 'A Pip'" was a set-up episode—one in which not a lot happened on the surface, but a lot of shit was getting put into place for the big finale. This is how the past few weeks' worth of Battlestar episodes have felt, actually, and the risk of this sort of thing, for us, as viewers, is pretty obvious:

But would it kill you to be optimistic for just one goddamn second? Jesus. Okay. Let's see what we can learn form the events of this week's episode.

REMEMBER, KIDS, DON'T PLAY AROUND IN BUSTED-ASS SPACESHIPS WITH LEAKS IN THEM. So basically, the Galactica is totally effed, and she's poppin' seams faster than John Candy bending over to pick up a quarter. (Thank you, thank you! Tip your waitress!) This sucks for people who're, you know, on the ship, especially those who get sucked out of the holes, Alien-style. You ask, "So why did the Cylons tell the humans to slather all that weird 'organic resin' stuff on the ship? Wasn't that supposed to fix 'er up?" GOOD QUESTION. Turns out the Cylon Silly Putty is absolutely useless, except for one thing, which the Cylons may or may not have known about—it acts as a sort of network throughout the ship, letting Anders take control of Galactica.

WHAT? ANDERS IS ROCKIN' IT ALL TERRI SCHIAVO-STYLE! WHAT BUSINESS DOES HE HAVE DRIVING ANYONE AROUND?! Another good question! I will say only that it looks like Fatboy was right.

ROSLIN IS BACK TO BEING DEPRESSING. "You must think we're abandoning you," Handkerchief Roslin says to Adama, referring to both herself and Galactica and telling him he's going to lose "both of your women at once." God, what a buzzkill. At least she's got a joint stashed away in one of her books, though, which she and Adama happily light up as quickly as if they were Cheech and Chong. "It's medicinal!" Roslin says, practically winking into the camera. (God, that just made me envision a version of Battlestar with Cheech playing Adama and Chong playing Tigh! Fucking brilliant. I'm pretty sure I missed my true calling as a TV writer.)

WILL SOMEBODY KILL HERA ALREADY? "I want my mommy! I want my mommy! I want my mommy! ...I want Boomer! I want Boomer! I want Boomer!" Seriously, name one child actor ever that hasn't make you want to pour boiling water into your ear canals. Anyway, every sequence between Boomer and Hera basically felt like Mr. Mom in Space until Boomer finally took the constantly whining Hera to "The Colony"—a ship that's as close to "home" as the Cylons have. Hera's now in the hands of eeevil Cavil! (Here's hoping Cavil has some earplugs.)

I WILL NOT READ THE FANFIC. Do you even know how much fucked-up fan fiction is going to result from that one weird scene of Starbuck on the toilet? At least it gave Baltar something vaguely plot-related to do, though, since Starbuck then bewilderingly confided in him about finding her own body on Earth—thus inspiring trusty ol' Baltar to spill the beans about Starbuck at the funeral for all of those generic people who got sucked out the hole in the ship. Oooh, that made Starbuck so mad! So mad that she... she... she slapped him? (I was watching this episode in the back row of the Bagdad with a box of Thin Mints and a pitcher of Hammerhead [EXCELLENT COMBINATION], and also with Mercury Copy Chief Courtney Ferguson to my right—"Why didn't she clock him?!" Court angrily demanded—and Mercury Arts Editor Alison Hallett to my left—"Since when does Starbuck slap like a girl?!" Alison spat out with distaste.)

SOMEBODY NEEDS TO ADJUST HER ATTITUDE. Oh, Starbuck. Getting all mopey and putting your own picture up on that big old wall of dead people? C'mon, Kara! Go get drunk and play cards! Light up a cigar! Go see if it's still possible to mess around with the half-catatonic Anders in his Minority Report bathtub! Go give Baltar another sissy slap! Cheer up, kiddo!

SOMEBODY LIKES JACKSON POLLOCK! In a desperate last bid to save the rapidly disintegrating Galactica, Adama grabs a paintbrush and starts slapping white paint onto the ship like he just got duped by Tom Sawyer. Then he realizes what a shitty painter he is, collapses into a maudlin heap, and next thing we know, he's made his decision, in the one truly affecting scene of last night's episode. "We're abandoning ship, Tigh," Adama says, wearily. "She's dying, and we both know it." (Alas, if he'd only been a better painter, maybe he could have saved his ship.)

So: A lot of stuff happened in this episode, but all of it felt very, I don't know, "first act-y." A whole lotta set-up is now in place, though, and things are looking promising for the final episodes. (Especially since at the outset of this episode, Adama sneered, "I've had it up to here with 'destiny'... 'prophecy'"—which I'm hoping means the final episodes will feature a lot less talky-talk about magical dreams and a lot more drama and action about what will happen to the fleet.) This season's had a lot of ups and downs, but I've gotta say that now, leading into the final two weeks, they've got their hooks in me as deep as ever.