This Week in the Mercury
Monday, March 9, 2009
News Good Morning, News!
Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Mar 9, 2009 at 9:55 AM
Obama overturns Bush's policy on stem cells! BOOYAH! In your FACE, former President Hillbilly!
Oh! NOW Sen. Joe Lieberman is singing Obama's praises! God, I hate that guy so much.
Kim Jong il is once again re-elected, receiving ALL the votes in a 99% voter turnout! Eat THAT, Obama! (Wait… Jong il was the only person running? Nevermind.)
Happy 50th birthday, Barbie! What's this? Your original design was essentially based on a prostitute? Yeah, that sounds about right.
Watchmen grabs top slot at this weekend's box office. Hmm… there are more nerds than I thought.
It wasn't the pill, or the right to vote… according to the Vatican, it was the washing machine that truly liberated women. I'm not kidding.
NAMBLA offers $10,000 to shoot New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo in the face. The New York Post has all the subtle details.
Ashlee Simpson is the latest cast member on the CW's refurbished Melrose Place. Click! Bzzzzzzz… if you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again…
And finally… OCTOPUS VS. SHRIMP: WHO YA GOT?!?
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(Besides, everyone knows it was the webcam, which allowed more women than ever before to show us their tatas for free.)
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