The aforementioned sucking can occur 'cause we just got great news from Austin's off-color movie mavens, Lars Nilsen and Zack Carlson, who regularly present grindhouse films at the famous Alamo Drafthouse Cinema. Come April, they're taking their show on the road! This path of B-movie destruction will be littered with the nubile bodies of screaming teens and toothpick-jawing hicks—my grindhouse-lovin' heart is all a'flutter.

Here are the deets:

What: CINEMAPOCALYPSE 2009, a film screening tour of the West Coast.
When: April 16-25, 2009
Where: Various venues in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Portland and Seattle, complete schedule below or http://cinemapocalypse.blogspot.com

Lars Nilsen and Zack Carlson regularly present these off-color, faded, scratched obscurities to sold-out crowds, and the non-profit American Genre Film Archive preserves 35mm prints of these cinematic treasures which might otherwise be lost. Of the 18 movies that constitute the program, 10 have never been officially released on DVD.... All of these movies are proven audience favorites and a stunning, revelatory and surprising evening is guaranteed for all.

More details after the jump.

Wednesday April 22
Grindhouse Film Festival at the Hollywood Theatre in Portland, OR

Cinemapocalypse VS. Grindhouse Film Festival in TRAILER WAR!!!

We're setting our most violent, reprehensible and ungodly 35mm explosives for the absolute supreme Battle of Celluloid Insanity. Portland's beloved Grindhouse Film Festival kingpin Dan Halsted will be going head-to-head with the visiting exploitationeer duo of the Cinemapocalypse Tour to present a dehumanizingly fierce barrage of classic film trailers featuring the very excruciatingest horror, kung fu, scifi, prison, nudie, cannibal, manimal, exploitation, hicksploitation, blacksploitation, and sploitationsploitation! These miniature bursts of mankind's most twisted and unhealthy brainwaves are destined to transform you into the next stage of human life after dyn-o-miting you through the back of the theater. Make no mistake... this show will pummel your fragile reality right in the nuts!

The Hollywood Theatre
4122 NE Sandy
Portland, OR
www.grindhousefilmfest.com

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Thursday April 23
HICKSPLOITATION Double Feature
The Grindhouse Film Festival at the Clinton Street Theater, Portland

GATOR BAIT - NOT ON DVD!
Dir. Ferd & Beverly Sebastian, 1974, 35mm, 88 min, R
Picture yourself on a state highway in the rural south in 1974. In the distance an apparition flickers on a drive-in screen. It’s a beautiful woman with long red hair and skin the color of mother’s milk. She lifts a 12-gauge to eye level and squeezes the trigger. It’s not a hallucination. It’s Claudia Jennings, a common sight on drive-in screens throughout the country in the '70s and that rarest of things, a genuine female action star. The movie is GATOR BAIT, a huge hit that kept drive-in audiences coming back again and again. Like most movies that made it big on the chitlin’ circuit, GATOR BAIT really delivers. The story of a sexy swamp rat named Desiree who’s half woman and half savage, it features the scariest inbred hillbillies outside of the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE [playing this weekend, yo!] and a revenge plot that builds to a thundering, foot-stomping climax. As an actress Claudia Jennings doesn’t have a great deal of range, but then neither does a sawed-off shotgun. Under the right circumstances both can be devastating. Jennings, who was a Playboy Playmate of the year, had an outstanding career in low-budget exploitation films before dying in a car crash at age 29. There’s never been another one like her. GATOR BAIT is a true drive-in classic. Don’t miss it. (Lars)

PSYCHO FROM TEXAS
Dir. Jim Feazell, 1981, 35mm, 94 min, R - NOT ON DVD!
Already a cult favorite among the most discriminating hicksploitation connoisseurs, this cheap, sleazy slice of lone-star low-life is finally poised to infect the rest of the country. All Texans are familiar with this film but the very mention of its title is oddly taboo. It's a little like the mentally deficient cousin with the weird ears who lives in the basement and eats bugs. We just don't talk about it. Well, maybe now's the time to start because there's a lot to love about this movie. The titular psycho, Wheeler, is one of the most memorable characters in regional filmdom. John King III deserved an Oscar for his performance as the mommy-obsessed killer with the weird laugh and the unorthodox fried chicken eating technique. But it may be Tommy Lamey as Wheeler's toothpick-worrying sidekick Slick who provides the most memorable moments in the film, notably a long foot chase that takes up probably a third of the run-time and provides laughs galore - as you'll see. PSYCHO FROM TEXAS features more scummy dialogue, K-mart fashions, mean rednecks, continuity lapses, incongruous BOING sound effects and country cuties than any film you can name. (Lars)

The Clinton Street Theater
2522 SE Clinton St
Portland, OR
www.clintonsttheater.com
www.grindhousefilmfest.com