This Week in the Mercury

Geek Out

Film

Geek Out

Wonderfully Horrific


Up & Coming

Music

Up & Coming

This Week’s Music Previews



  |  

Thursday, March 19, 2009

News Good Morning, News!!

Posted by Matt Davis on Thu, Mar 19, 2009 at 8:33 AM

PROJECT RUNWAY CONTESTANT ARRESTED FOR THROWING CAT AT PERSON!!! This news comes a day early, but still.

NATASHA RICHARDSON DEAD!!! After ski accident.

SOCCER DELAY??? Yesterday, the Oregonian quoted "city hall sources" who confirmed that the MLS people will award Portland an MLS franchise tomorrow. Today, however, the O is reporting that Portland's bid may have been "put on hold." Honestly. You'd think reporters would have learned not to try predicting the future in this town. Especially where soccer is concerned.

DUNGEON DAD GOES DOWN!!! He's jailed for life after doing the same to his daughter. Not clear whether he'll also be getting raped, beaten, etc. But the justice system has a way of working these things out...

BLAME BRISTOL!!! The teen birth rate is up for the second year in a row.
cb0f/1237475995-img-cs-teen-pregnancy_074214702254.jpg
MICHAEL CERA: I WOULD STILL TOTALLY HIT THAT...

CITIGROUP WANTS A NEW $10M OFFICE SUITE!!! Because you can't short sell a desk, I guess.

NEW SNAP OF CHARLES MANSON!!! Still looks like an absolute maniac, only now he's bald, and has a swastika tattooed on his face.

BUSH LANDS $7M BOOK DEAL!!! Is still a fucking asshole.

OBAMA'S BAD TASTE THIEF!!! Federal CIO Vivek Kundra was arrested in the late nineties for shoplifting four dress shirts from J.C.Penney. At least go to the 'rack, man. Have some self respect.

Good day.

 

Comments (11) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Matt,

back on the bottle?
MEDIA ADVISORY
Merritt Paulson, Major League Soccer to make announcement Friday

WHAT: Merritt Paulson, owner and president of the Portland Timbers and Portland Beavers, and Major League Soccer Commissioner Don Garber along with Portland city officials will make an important announcement Friday on the future of professional soccer in Portland.

WHEN: Friday, March 20 – 10 a.m.

WHERE: Hilton Portland (Pavilion Ballroom), 921 SW Sixth Avenue, Portland, OR 97204

CONTACT: Chris Metz, Portland Timbers/Portland Beavers (contact info below)

Editor’s Note: Paid self-parking is available in the Hilton Portland Garage on Taylor Street between Sixth and Broadway, the Hilton Executive Tower Garage on Fifth and Taylor Street, and at a number of additional nearby parking structures.
Posted by ninj on March 19, 2009 at 8:43 AM · Report
2
Well, to be fair to Matt, that was a "Media Advisory" and not an "Attention Seeker Advisory".

Pretty soon, this whole soccer thing will be sorted and Matt will be forced to go back to calling Portlanders racists for not naming everything in town after Cesar Chavez and teaching us about bits of local history he'd only learned the day before.
Posted by Daaaaave on March 19, 2009 at 8:59 AM · Report
3
Wanna get really creeped out? Go to youtube and find a video of a Manson interview (Charlie Rose did one sometime in the 80s I think). Then scroll down and read the comments. And then you will lose all hope for humanity.
Posted by Totalnerd on March 19, 2009 at 9:29 AM · Report
4
Totalnerd, reading the comments on any youtube video instantly makes one stupider. It's like magic. There are very few website where reading the comments is worthwhile. For instance, don't read the comments on oregonlive.
Posted by Graham on March 19, 2009 at 9:33 AM · Report
5
Manson has had the swastika tat on his head for a very long time. That was news almost 40 years ago.
Posted by Demondog on March 19, 2009 at 9:42 AM · Report
6
Don't forget today is the SIXTH FUCKING ANNIVERSARY OF THE IRAQ WAR like the rest of the nation seems to have...
Posted by PRWalters on March 19, 2009 at 10:55 AM · Report
7
Don't forget that today is the SIXTH FUCKING ANNIVERSARY OF THE IRAQ WAR like the rest of the nation seems to have...
Posted by PRWalters on March 19, 2009 at 10:57 AM · Report
8
Graham: it takes one to know one.
Posted by Matthew D on March 19, 2009 at 11:52 AM · Report
9
Matthew, it takes what to know what?
Posted by Graham on March 19, 2009 at 11:56 AM · Report
10
"There are very few websites where reading the comments is worthwhile." he says, in a comment. I reply. He replies. I explain my reply:

This is an example of a website where reading the comments is not worthwhile. Knowledge is not being advanced by us discussing whether or not we should read each others comments.

However, I disagree. I read the comments for entertainment, not knowledge. And in that regard, even the comments on faux news are worthwhile to read, (do they have comments there? Maybe I should go look. I could start trolling about W's cocaine habit.)
Posted by Matthew D on March 19, 2009 at 12:46 PM · Report
11
That didn't make a lick of sense, Matthew. It takes what to know what? (PROTIP: the answer will be one singular thing).
Posted by A CAT, probably on March 19, 2009 at 2:00 PM · Report

Add a comment

Our Friends

Our Enemies

/images/adoftheweek.gif

ad of the day

The Handyman Pro - Your Honey-Do Specialist
Don’t let our name fool you. The Handyman Pro, LLC is a repair and remodel service provider with over 25-years experience. We cover all aspects of construction and repairs for residential and commercial clients.go


post an ad

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use