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Friday, March 20, 2009

Politics / Sports Portland Gets Big Soccer, Fans Piss Selves

Posted by Matt Davis on Fri, Mar 20, 2009 at 12:23 PM

It's official. Portland will get the 18th Major League Soccer franchise in 2011.
d58b/1237572678-leonardadamsmls.jpg
PORTLAND MLS: WE ARE THE WORLD...WE ARE THE CHILDREN...

The announcement was made by MLS commissioner Don Garber (in photo, above, closest to the camera, next to Portland Timbers owner Merritt Paulson, Mayor Sam Adams, and City Commissioner Randy Leonard) to an audience of about 1000 Timbers fans at a packed press conference this morning at the downtown Hilton hotel.

Behind Garber, a group of children wearing Timbers t-shirts, and a group of older Timbers fans led the room in occasional chants. The announcement received a long standing ovation and chants of "Tally tally tally tally ho," in which even Mayor Adams joined.

"This is just the beginning of strategic and calculated growth..." for the league, said Garber, who also spoke of the "diverse audiences" for soccer, although the Mercury saw just a smattering of Latinos and counted just three African Americans in the audience, two of whom work in City Commissioner Randy Leonard's office, the other was working on the sound board.

Not that we're bitter about picking the wrong horse on this debate, you understand. Well, perhaps we are a little bitter. Speaking of which, we were very reminded, standing amongst the relentless chants of the Timbers fans this morning, of today's New York Times opinion column, about the "Daily Me..."

The decline of traditional news media will accelerate the rise of The Daily Me, and we’ll be irritated less by what we read and find our wisdom confirmed more often. The danger is that this self-selected “news” acts as a narcotic, lulling us into a self-confident stupor through which we will perceive in blacks and whites a world that typically unfolds in grays.

Bitter-fest over, now, I promise. But still...

"If you love Portland, as I do, this revitalizes an area of the city ripe for renewal and showcases Portland to the world," said Paulson—referencing the city's plan to use $15m in urban renewal money from a district, yet to be created, around PGE Park, for the project. More on that controversy, which may well yet scupper funding for the whole deal, in this week's hall monitor column.

City Commissioner Randy Leonard told the crowd there was "something [he] want[ed] to get off [his] chest" before talking, and led the crowd with his deep baritone voice in a chant of "Portland boys...we are here...Portland boys...we are here."

"One of my colleagues, the other day, was wearing their scarves," said Leonard, referencing fellow commissioner Amanda Fritz, who brought her Leeds United, Liverpool and Forfar Athletic scarves to the council vote on Major League Soccer before voting against the idea. Leonard showed his three Portland Timbers scarves to the crowd, proudly, saying, "I wear these, and I voted for this."

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LEONARD: PARODIED FRITZ'S SCARF STUNT...

"Dan is really sick today," said Leonard, referencing Commissioner Dan Saltzman, who voted "yes" as the swing vote, in the end. "But he's fair, he's tough, he calls them like he sees them, and in the end even fair and tough had to go for the Timbers Army."

Leonard reserved his highest praise for his "friend," Adams, however. "If Sam Adams had not been mayor, we would not be here today," said Leonard. "If Sam had not been mayor, we would not be here today. So thank you, Sam, for standing up and doing the right thing for our city."

For his part, Adams challenged the mayors of Seattle and Vancouver, British Columbia, to a wager: Portland will finish above those two teams in the league in 2011, said Adams, or he'll wear a Seattle or Vancouver jersey to a home game against either of those teams. And the mayors of Vancouver and Seattle must agree to the same.

In related news: Portland is currently facing an $8.8m hole in its general fund budget. Services to homeless people are severely threatened by a 90 percent cut in one-time funding across the board. County addiction and mental health services are about to go down the toilet—many of which would otherwise be funded using money from urban renewal (which could very well now go to funding the soccer stadium). Dang. I still seem to be bitter...

PORTLAND BOYS! WE ARE HERE!

PORTLAND BOYS! WE ARE HERE!

Etcetera.

 

Comments (32) RSS

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1
Matt Davis is a very un-biased voice in the Mercury newsroom.

So does this mean that Randy is all BFFs again with Sam? And isn't Dan Savage running for Mayor of Seattle? I'd love to see the haggling between Adams and Savage over the particulars of their bets.

And by bets I mean penises.
Posted by Graham on March 20, 2009 at 12:36 PM · Report
2
I liked how you threw the whole race thing in there when it wasn't even relevant. That was a real nice little bitter jab too.

Remember when you wrote about going to the game last year and how much fun you had?

Why did you break up with us?
Posted by BlackedOut on March 20, 2009 at 12:37 PM · Report
3
For clarification:

"In related news: Portland is currently facing an $8.8m hole in its general fund budget. Services to homeless people are severely threatened by a 90 percent cut in one-time funding across the board. County addiction and mental health services are about to go down the toilet—many of which would otherwise be funded using money from urban renewal (which could very well now go to funding the soccer stadium)."
Posted by Matt Davis on March 20, 2009 at 12:40 PM · Report
4
How many Pacific Islanders were there? Do mixed race people count?
Posted by carmalito on March 20, 2009 at 12:41 PM · Report
5
Why are they all wearing gay scarves?

"this revitalizes an area of the city ripe for renewal"

Paulson, you got what you wanted, you can stop insulting our intelligence. Or maybe, coming from his mansion in Lake Oswego, he really believes that area is blighted.

If so, there are some parts of town I could show you, Merrit....
Posted by Blabby on March 20, 2009 at 12:51 PM · Report
6
I'm confused. Your piece seems to report that the new team will be named "The Children". However, at the end you refer to them as "The Portland Boys". Either way the name sucks, but it does mean that Portland will be the first U.S. city with a "Children's Army"
Posted by blah on March 20, 2009 at 12:53 PM · Report
7
Hi Matt. I just dropped in to say I love you.
Posted by Totalnerd on March 20, 2009 at 1:11 PM · Report
8
Blabby, you're a moron. The article states pretty clearly that there was a group of children standing there, not that the team would be named "the children".
Posted by A CAT, probably on March 20, 2009 at 1:11 PM · Report
9
Why do I always get blamed for other's posts?

BOXXY, my posts are the witty and insightful ones.
Posted by Blabby on March 20, 2009 at 1:15 PM · Report
10
Matt, I was expecting a melt-down tantrum from you, but this is just kind of blah. If you're going to continue to get irrational, hysterical, and make yourself look like an idiot, then at least commit to it and go all out. This is half-assed shit-stirring at best. But still just enough fail in there to make people laugh at you.
Posted by Jack Acid on March 20, 2009 at 1:17 PM · Report
11
Sorry blabby, got to "bl-" and decided to hate the post. Strange, I know...
Posted by A CAT, probably on March 20, 2009 at 1:27 PM · Report
12
Boxxy, I get that a lot.
Posted by Blabby on March 20, 2009 at 1:33 PM · Report
13
It would have been a hell of a lot funnier if Adams had led the crowd in the chorus of:

PORTLAND BOYS! WE ARE HERE!
Posted by Demondog on March 20, 2009 at 1:50 PM · Report
14
Matt will be vindicated when the stadium is filled with nothing but white, guilt-ridden liberals who are only interested because it's NOT American football. I'm sure the minority fans who are disproportionally affected by the bad economy will be pouring in at $50 a ticket.
Posted by Suburban Porn King on March 20, 2009 at 2:02 PM · Report
15
Ah, the loveliness of soft racism. Obviously the "minority" fans couldn't afford the general admission tickets the WHITE MAN can. They're all day laborers, right? There's no "minority" middle class in Portland.

And of course no Americans actually enjoy soccer. It's all about anglophilia (right, Matt?) or reparations to the Third World (right, Beth Slovic?) or hip anti-American sports posturing (which is why you'll never find a Timbers fan with, say, season tickets to the Blazers, Ducks, Beavers, Winterhawks or some combination therein).

You know who loves soccer? Mexico. They love soccer and they don't suck at it, like this minor league crap we have here. This is evidenced by the United States going a mere 10-2-2 against Mexico since 2000. Wait...what?

And yes, Blabby, that second deuce is for draws. And we all know that draws, like scarves, are for gays.
Posted by Daaaaave on March 20, 2009 at 2:59 PM · Report
16
Maybe they can turn the stadium into a homeless shelter in between games. Get double duty, so to speak. I guess, though, that you would have to put them out on the streets during a game. No, wait, let them work the concessions in return for a place to stay. (Tongue in cheek)
Posted by ujfoyt on March 20, 2009 at 3:02 PM · Report
17
"The announcement received a long standing ovation and chants of "Tally tally tally tally ho," in which even Mayor Adams joined."

Tally ho? What the fuck is that shit? And I thought all the douchebags saying "cheers" instead of "thanks" were bad..
Posted by jake on March 20, 2009 at 3:04 PM · Report
18
"Tally ho," is a magickal phrase invented by Matt Davis and was not actually uttered during the press conference.
Posted by Totalnerd on March 20, 2009 at 3:07 PM · Report
19
Unfortunately, if it was turned into a homeless shelter/low income housing, Davis would have them all evicted so he could finish his sweet condo conversion, right Matt? Nothing like backing that moving truck up to your new downtown flat )while 90 year old grandmothers are sitting with their bindles on the sidewalk wondering WTF?) to sharpen your lipservice for social services. That shit's so fucking depressing...makes you reach for that 4th O'Douls.
Posted by Daaaaave on March 20, 2009 at 3:14 PM · Report
20
"Maybe they can turn the stadium into a homeless shelter..."

Doesn't that happen when the Timbers Army shows up?

ZING!

(That's right. I'm picking on gay things and homeless people now. I'm a class act.)
Posted by Blabby on March 20, 2009 at 3:46 PM · Report
21
I use to have a cat.
Now I am paying for some rich dudes single use stadium.
I would rather have a cat.

Also -- I have a photo now.
Posted by Vert on March 20, 2009 at 4:01 PM · Report
22
Blabby, go for the hat trick and pick on the retards. I think it's time for you to make a Special Olympics joke.
Posted by Graham on March 20, 2009 at 4:02 PM · Report
23
Even I won't go there.
Posted by Blabby on March 20, 2009 at 4:22 PM · Report
24
If the President does, it's ok for us to do it.

Hence, I am going to invade a country now.

Fuck you Belize, here I come.
Posted by Graham on March 20, 2009 at 4:30 PM · Report
25
Why are those kids in friggen T-shirts?! I can barely contain my outrage! This is City Council KIDS you need to use Davis's Personal Stylist (his wife prob)if you want to be in the presence of the uber stylish Ross Dress For Less City Council! I am waiting for a Blog Town article devoted solely to these slacker kids...tap tap tap.
Posted by Rondine on March 20, 2009 at 5:01 PM · Report
26
Someone doesn't understand sarcasm and satire, Daaaaave.
Posted by Suburban Porn King on March 20, 2009 at 5:03 PM · Report
27
Rondine, you seem to be as rabid and incoherent as the rest of us regulars. You should post more.
Posted by A CAT, probably on March 20, 2009 at 5:43 PM · Report
28
I think the only gay homeless retard is Blabby.
Posted by Hierarchyfive on March 20, 2009 at 5:47 PM · Report
29
Well thanks Boxxy, I may just post a pic and give up the Trib bores altogether.
Posted by Rondine on March 20, 2009 at 5:55 PM · Report
30
You should do it Rondine. At least our fake "Portland-is-anti-business" people know how to crack a joke. And I agree with you; those kids should have been wearing some D&G.
Posted by Graham on March 20, 2009 at 7:46 PM · Report
31
Everyone knows that Sam Adams pushed this one through so he could see muscle-bound studs running around in mini-shorts once he is removed from office in June by recall -- which every poll that has been conducted indicates will happen. One has to wonder what other businesses Adams will curry favor to before being removed from office in hopes of a future job since he will no longer be holding another elected office in Oregon. This deal will cost Portland more money than it will generate in tax revenue or creating jobs in the city.
Posted by City Sponsored Pro Sports BAD Idea on March 21, 2009 at 8:20 AM · Report
32
"Not that we're bitter about picking the wrong horse on this debate"

First off who is this we?

Secondly, glad you out and admitted you had a "side" - your'e a beacon for "journalists" everywhere

Third - My favorite part of the press conference? When Gavin told your sorry butt to get out of his seat. You tried to to talk back and the Kiwi wouldn't take any of your snobby nonsense. You slinked away. GW for the win!
Posted by Finnegan on March 21, 2009 at 6:41 PM · Report

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