I currently have two holes in my stomach, a 3-inch-long oval, and a 5-inch-long incision. Each is held together by a few metal staples and sheer force of will.
This post was originally going to be a high-resolution, 300 image set of a beautiful, pink-haired woman (whose eyes have that "sedated Stygian abyss" quality you only see in dark cauldrons and Audrey Tatou) carefully sliding a small handful of Chuck E. Cheese tokens into the smaller wound, and slowly removing 23 miniature porcelain katamari balls from the larger.
It would have been accompanied by a haiku about the life of a spider that lives in a corner of Bernie Madoff's guest bathroom.
But that was before I found the above video, the first gameplay footage from BioShock 2.
Fans of the first will be happy to see that the gameplay, atmosphere and UI all seem largely the same. Actually the only really noticeable difference we see from this clip is the addition of the Big Sister (read: B2's more agile, vagina-riddled answer to the first game's Big Daddy).
As much as I'm sure I'll love BioShock 2, really thinking about this footage makes me wish I'd gone with "The Tale of Spider Madoff" and my less-sexual-than-you-think human katamari dispenser photo set.
Then, at least, I coulda been all "Yeah Björk? What 'chu got now bitch?!"
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