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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Patch Day!

Posted by Earnest "Nex" Cavalli on Tue, Apr 14, 2009 at 6:46 PM

I was a bit miffed this afternoon. Realizing it's patch day and not having a post ready to celebrate the latest additions to Blizzard Entertainment's virtual dopamine inhibitor World of Warcraft is like wandering into Ulduar decked out in a combination of first season Arena armor and Molten Core weaponry.

Three of you giggled. Thank you. You're the only ones I really love.

Moving right along, Blizzard released the 3.1 patch this morning. How do I know that? I've been busy downloading the fucking thing since 10AM. As I've almost pulled down 200MB (of the total 742MB), I thought I'd take a moment to enlighten my three fans on what the patch brings.

Bubble hearth through the jump (and I promise I'll stop with the WoW puns).

Ulduar: The biggest addition to the game, as seen in the video perched above this post, is the new Ulduar dungeon. Technically it's a group of dungeons, all of which are more complex and difficult than anything previously seen in the game. Without going on for pages, I can say this: You'll need friends, you'll need quality gear, and you'll all need to be comfortable piloting siege vehicles to survive these things.

And, of course, the reward for besting the latest round of virtual timesinks is the shiniest, most numerically superior armor and weaponry ever. Your girlfriend will totally pop a boner.

Dual-Spec: Ever wished you could switch to a completely different set of skills? While this was possible previously it entailed dropping huge sums of in-game cash and manually recreating your skill tree each time you desired a bit of variety. Now Blizz offers you the chance to program two completely separate skill sets, which you can alternate between using a single button press.

Your girlfriend will probably have less of a boner for this one.

A huge number of changes to Achievements, Classes and Skills: You expect me to list everything they changed? 3.1 is the biggest patch I can remember, so either you're high or you don't quite grasp how high I am. Here's a link to Blizzard's official patch notes. Go nuts.

Don't expect much of a boner here. Sorry.

Now that that's over, have any of you actually managed to download the whole thing? Anyone in-world as I type this? Care to share your experiences, either with the patch or your girlfriend's disgust over my complete ignorance of female genitalia?

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