This Week in the Mercury

The Young Ones

Film

The Young Ones

A PIFF That Looks Younger Than Ever


24/7 Jihad

Books

24/7 Jihad

The Mirage Reverses the Roles in the War on Terror



Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Finally, a Better Way to Cleanse my Anal Canal

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Apr 22, 2009 at 12:38 PM

OH, BOY! Look what I just ordered for the Mercury office! It's called the "Pure Stream Lotus Seat Toilet," and it's the newest thing in anal cleansing toilet systems—but OH! It's so much more! Please watch the following informative and EROTIC video to see how Pure Stream can robotically perform the same job our interns do—and without all the complaining! AM I RIGHT, FULL TIME EMPLOYEES?


 

Comments (8) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
You realize that this "patented" system is commonplace in Japan, right? Down to the butt-shaped doodle on the buttons. It was in the hotel room the first I spent there. What followed will remain a closely guarded but perennially cherished secret.
Posted by dirigibleduck on April 22, 2009 at 1:38 PM · Report
2
Yeah, you can buy them at Uwajamiya. I'm not sure why this is news, it's a fucking bidet.
Posted by A CAT, probably on April 22, 2009 at 1:42 PM · Report
3
Hey, I never complained. That was Molly. But that's because her technique was weak.
Posted by Andrew Stout on April 22, 2009 at 2:25 PM · Report
4
Dumb Bunny: I don't believe I put a "news" tag on this post.
Posted by Wm. Steven Humphrey on April 22, 2009 at 3:36 PM · Report
5
Why does it have to go below the toilet seat? Why can it not insert directly into the anal passage, and have a scraping attachment that cleanses one's colon?

Also I like the bit of animation that shows the arm quickly moving out of the way when things get busy in the human release.
Posted by NIG GER on April 22, 2009 at 4:10 PM · Report
6
Wm.: "2 a: material reported in a newspaper or news periodical or on a newscast b: matter that is newsworthy"
Posted by A CAT, probably on April 22, 2009 at 4:46 PM · Report
7
Wm.: Keep it coming!

dumb bunny: Don't be an ass.
Posted by Will Radik on April 22, 2009 at 4:54 PM · Report
8
At least Dumb Bunny chose an appropriate name for himself.
Posted by WTF Chuck on April 22, 2009 at 7:52 PM · Report

Add a comment

/images/adoftheweek.gif

ad of the day

The Handyman Pro - Your Honey-Do Specialist
Don’t let our name fool you. The Handyman Pro, LLC is a repair and remodel service provider with over 25-years experience. We cover all aspects of construction and repairs for residential and commercial clients.go


post an ad

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use